Hey Ron! - Oh Sheets!

When I heard Osama had been killed I thought, “About time.” And that was pretty much it; I got dressed and went about my day. I wish it had happened sooner rather than later, but it doesn’t really matter. It’s done.

Now we’ve got the media dragging this whole thing out. They’re talking to the first responders, their kids, and their grandkids. In reality, we’ve got a lot more important things to discuss and worry about. It’s not like terrorist cells are going to stop attacking us. We killed one man who controlled thousands of people, and I’m sure they are going to retaliate. We got the head, but the rest of it is still alive and we need to start worrying about that instead of celebrating like all of our problems suddenly went away.

I don’t even care that they’re not releasing the pictures. I’m just happy that he’s dead. If the news of Osama’s death was coming from outside sources, I might want to see pictures, but I believe the president. He wouldn’t put his presidency on the line by saying “he’s dead” unless he really is. If Osama emerged six months or a year from now, this country would have no respect for authority or politicians ever again.

My brother worked at the WTC and was inside one of the towers that collapsed. Luckily he survived, but I imagine his opinion about all of this is different than mine. I haven’t talked to him about it because he hates talking about 9/11, and I don’t want to bum him out. He might want to see the pictures as some sort of closure, but in the end there will never truly be closure because other terrorists will see Osama as a martyr and take his place.

After 9/11 I felt the racism in this country shift from blacks and other minorities to Arabs. I didn’t talk to my brother until two days after the attack. No one knew where anyone was or if he was dead until we found out he was in the hospital. I was in tears the entire time. I’m not going to lie: For a while I wanted to kill everybody dressed in a burka or Muslim robes because that’s what I associated with the enemy. And that was wrong. As a black man, I am very conscious of the fact that people judge me based on my race, and they are 100 percent wrong. Eventually I realized I was acting the same way toward Arabs after 9/11.

I don’t think the racism is going to go disappear. It’ll only get worse if there’s another bombing. Now that the head of the snake has been chopped off, it’s just a bunch of people running around bombing, not only in the name of Allah, but also in the name of Bin Laden. People are going to see guys running around in those sheets and think “they’re carrying a bomb.”

I think sheets or robes or whatever represent ignorance. It’s not a coincidence that the KKK also wears sheets. A real killer doesn’t have a problem showing his face because, like Michael Jackson, they are smooth criminals. The guys wearing sheets are afraid and they prey on other people’s fear of sheets. Hear me out: If a black dude saw two white dudes walking down the street, he could care less, but if they had sheets he would think twice because they are probably out to harm him.

There is one thing I will never understand about Muslim militants—they will take a six-month-old baby, strap it with a bomb, roll it into someplace, and think that baby is going to heaven. As for us, we’ll throw a bomb, like throw it, because we don’t want to die.

RON HEMPHILL

Previously on Hey Ron!:

PUFF PUFF I'LL PASS
MY EX-GIRLFRIEND'S A BITCH
KENNY POWERS SUCKS

Our man Ron is always ready to solve your most difficult problems, [send him an email](mailto: vice@viceland.com) and help him help you.