What To Do If An Ex Is Posting About You After A Break-Up

If you are struggling with a break-up and need to talk to someone, email lovebetter@youthline.co.nz or text “lovebetter” to 234.

Your ex may have been hot when you were in love, but that doesn’t mean they can't burn you after the break-up. For instance, they could start sharing snarky posts about you on social media. They might just be anonymously shit-talking the relationship, but some people will go as far as spreading rumours and sharing humiliating info and pics without a second thought.

It’s hard not to feel hurt by someone you once loved if they're intentionally sharing negative content that could harm your mental and physical health. No matter what their intention could be, having things said about you online can be stressful.

Here’s what you can do if you find yourself in a situation like this.

Stop and confide

It’s hard to think straight when the past clouds your judgment. A CU study from 2017 on break-ups found that its participants struggled to move on with constant online reminders of their ex.

If you find yourself in this position, the first step is to talk it through with a trusted confidant. They can offer an outsider perspective to help you weigh up your next steps and talk through what’s going on in your mind. If you don’t open up to someone, your inner thoughts might unleash like a bull in a china shop – and you could end up doing something just as bad in return.

Reach out to them (if it’s safe to do so)

If you feel comfortable and safe, reaching out to your ex could be an option. Try to keep your message short and to the point (which you could always draft on the notes app and get the group chat to weigh in.)

If they don’t respect your boundaries and requests, it could be time to block and delete.

Block and delete

If their actions are distressing you and you can’t convince them to stop, it’s time to pull the rug out and block them. We’re on our phones for an average of 5.67 hours each day, so you don’t want to fill your feed with their negativity.

However, if what they are posting could be deemed as threatening, it might be time to take further action.

Screenshot and report

Most people wouldn’t say to your face what they post online, thinking they will get away with it. However, there are protocols in place and resources available to help you.

The University of Auckland advises discussing a safety plan, keeping the evidence and taking out a protection or restraining order.

To get free help, text Love Better 234 or contact Netsafe: free text ‘Netsafe’ to 4282.

Just know that you’re never alone in a break-up, as cliche as it seems. Surround yourself with people in your support system, who will remind you there’s more to life than being in a relationship. (Like, the hook-ups after.)

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