How to Handle Being Alone This Holiday Season

The festive season has officially unleashed its merry might and there’s a nip in the air that makes you want to cover up with more than just thick sweaters. Christmas and an impending New Year’s eve may bring with it blinged out trees, treasured memories, and joyful tidings, but the wholesome holiday season also comes along with a social media shitstorm of plastered smiles across holiday parties, Insta-stories stuffed with Secret Santa prezzies, and OTT couple-canoodling photo ops. Even IRL ’tis the season to socialise with family and friends, an expectation that starts to feel obligatory, especially as people’s perceptions of how they spent their holidays becomes increasingly linked to how lit your Instagram Story looks.

And god forbid you’re single this time of the year, because then not only do you have to deal with those FOMO-inducing extra AF posts on your feed, but also face the committed community questioning your every life choice to pinpoint why you’re all alone. Add to that a career or college that keeps you away from home and you’re left sipping on an unsettling eggnog of isolation and loneliness at a time that should instead feel festive and uplifting.

Festive FOMO

“Working as an expat in the UAE, I didn’t come home for Christmas for two years,” says 29-year-old Kritika, a Lucknow-based teacher who suffered from mild depression born out of missing family events, holiday parties and being in an environment where people didn’t seem to care too much about what Christmas meant specifically to her. Being alone during a break from a daily work routine also means spending more time alone with your thoughts, which opens the portal to overthinking. “People may go through the Zeigarnik Effect, where they start to feel like things left to be done are much more than what they’ve already done so far, and this can make them increasingly anxious,” says Scherezade Sanchita Siobhan, a clinical psychologist and founder of counselling and coaching platform The Talking Compass. She adds that being alone during the year-end may make you put your memories under a microscope. Your cognitive bias might lead you to question your self-worth and make you feel like things that have occurred in the past are your fault or that you’re not good enough. To avoid this, she encourages her clients to take up a class, join a book club, or even go for a heritage walks (where the aunties are more concerned with questions on colonial history than your sexual future) so as to feel a sense of community and have something to look forward to amidst the holiday blues. “You can lock yourself in, drink wine and binge-watch for an hour or two, but always push yourself to do more or you’re going to end up constantly checking social media and feeling left out.” Even if you must succumb to social media stalking, check out feel-good or humorous accounts like @kaha.mind, @pleasingvideos, @superwrongmagazine and @robotchicken to keep the positivity going.

Antisocial Media

“When you’re far away from home, that feeling of ‘If I had someone it would be better’ creeps in, especially since you see couples around you and on your Instagram,” adds Kritika. The happy holidays can be quite a downer for folks who haven’t yet found their better halves to kiss under the mistletoe or at the stroke of midnight when the year turns. And between the dwindling days on your calendar crowded with family weddings with nosy relatives constantly getting all ‘up in your biz’, the festive season is also when the pressure to find that perfect someone is dialled up. Even more so this year as we deal with the aftermath of being flooded with #NickYanka and #DeepVeer wedding photos on our feeds. “When you see other people looking like they’re having a great time on social media, you don’t realise that it’s a very projected reality and it can be very triggering that may lead to depression and anxiety,” says Siobhan. So how does one deal with this? “I’ve called people whom I knew had a soft corner for me just to get a bit of attention, even though I had no interest in them”, says the single school teacher, who recommends hitting up holiday sales, ordering in comfort food and watching sappy romantic comedies (we’re looking at you Christmas Prince) to cope with the loneliness, temporarily. We also recommend ditching social media entirely, and downloading interactive apps like Never Think, a mood-based video viewing platform, Colorfy, a calming digital colouring book, and Wordscapes, an entertaining crossword puzzle with a twist.

’Tis the Seasonal Depression

As the temperature dips and the days get darker in the blink of an eye, it’s not uncommon to feel the weight of everyone’s expectations anchoring you down. This is where the overthinking we spoke about earlier extends into Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), a type of depression associated with seasonal changes, stirring up a toxic festive cocktail of listlessness, sadness and isolation. “When the temperature drops, things automatically start seeming gloomy,” says Siobhan. With symptoms that include fatigue, an increased appetite, and a decreased desire for social interaction, SAD can make your holiday spirit come crashing down. And while we’ve all surrendered to the bed when confronted with a shivery celsius, it can sometimes also lead to you craving of a cuddling session with a significant other, making you fall further down the rabbit hole of hating singledom. “Sometimes you just crave some warmth on your body. I’d say start with a hot shower,” says Siobhan. People usually combat SAD with light therapy, sitting across light boxes that mimic natural light, or even meditation, music or art therapy, tai chi and yoga. Whether you’re with or without the company of loved ones, it’s important to take some time off to unwind with a piping cup of tea, a cosy blanket and an immersive book, movie or just memes.

The Other Stocking

But while depression and anxiety may be a tough reality, being alone during the holidays can also have positive connotations. “I love my family, but being alone during the holidays at least gives me privacy, so it’s my best option,” says Shruti, a 21-year-old law student who finds being alone during the holiday season “relaxing and satisfying”. Between solo drinking sessions, spring cleaning the house, and watching so many movies you lose all track of time, the freedom to do whatever the fuck you want without being questioned can make being alone during the holidays quite stress relieving. Meanwhile, Kritika feels that while being away from home during the festive season sucks, it also made her more emotionally independent and empathetic.

Whether it’s the weather, the isolation, or a socially developed construct that makes us feel like being alone is our fault, the festive season can be a tricky time, but the fact is that while you may be lonely, you’re not alone. So one of the best ways to handle loneliness during the holidays is by reaching out to loved ones, old friends, acquaintances, or even helplines and a therapist if your thought process is swinging towards a darker side.

We wish you merry mental health.

Follow Shamani Joshi on Twitter.