October 1990
Dear Diary,
When Mike asked me out it was a joke—thank G-d! I think I’m getting a math tutor. Halloween was awesome. Me, Sheryl, and Amanda all wore skeleton earrings. Alexis frenched Ian. I’ve never really kept a straight diary like this. I hope when I die it’s published. Like Anne Frank AND Laura Palmer! I just got Laura Palmer’s diary and it is VERY dirty and VERY good. I know who killed her. Too scary to write. Well, it’s B.O.B. but don’t ask who he is. Today I went to the library and shopping and the best thing happened. I got my first bra!! Awesome. I [heart] you.
[heart] Lesley
ps—Beware Of Bob!!!
January 2003
I remember that day, when I got my first bra. I wanted to try it on for my sister and when she saw it on me, a dead silence filled the room. The bra was like, a double-fucking-triple-A size, and it still didn’t really fit. I used to pray for big tits all the time. I was also totally obsessed with Twin Peaks, and if you’ve never read The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer, I suggest you do so now. It’s a lot better than mine. She started doing cocaine in her underwear and having threesomes when she was, like, 14. It’s fucking brilliant. And by the way, “Who killed Laura Palmer?” was the “Who shot JR?” of the 90s. But what about the new millennium? Why does TV suck so hard right now? All answers and no questions. It’s the pits. A lot of people remember where they were during the final episode of Twin Peaks. I was at my friend Gabe Rotter’s house and I was so scared that I farted. Gabe and I are no longer friends.
LESLEY ARFIN
Dear Diary
