What Are the Cast of School Of Rock Up to Now?

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Last week the cast of School of Rock reunited to celebrate the ten-year anniversary of the only film in which Jack Black is semi-bearable. The event took place in Austin, Texas, where the cast took a bunch of photos, reminded everyone that they were still alive, and ran through a rendition of the film’s title theme. Here’s a video in stunning low definition.

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A generational landmark film, a ten year time period, and a bunch of easily embeddable multimedia content: these are the ingredients for listicle laxative. Just imagine what will happen when Lindsay Lohan’s bank account resembles her career and she reconvenes with the cast of Freaky Friday to perform this classic.

But, while all the other websites are busy scrambling to steal each others HTML codes, I wondered, what are all the child stars who are forever tarnished with an IMDB page that contains only one film up to? Are they like the Sherminator, of American Pie fame, waiting on tables? Are they like Miley Cyrus, subscribing to the fad that all train-wreck celebrities used to be child stars? Or are they just a bunch of lost twenty somethings deciding whether the money left after rent is better spent on toilet paper or health food?

It turned out to be worse; half of them don’t even have Twitter.

Zack “Zack-Attack” Mooneyham – Guitar

Now at the age in which most millennials enter a quarter-life crisis, Zack Mooneyham, king of kicking ass and disappointing his father, is busy doing what every twenty-two year old boy dreams of: strumming with people that are twice his age. Zack – yes, I’m referring to everyone by the cast names in which they’re immortalised – is playing in a band with a bunch of forty year old guys. His new band, follows his 2004 “high energy guitar driven rock” solo album, which you can buy for $10 from CDbaby.com, but can’t illegally download from torrent sites. I’d like to think that it’s because he’s got better internet security than Kanye West, but because I’m a realist (read: asshole), it’s probably because his album is as desirable as a returning case of HPV.

Here’s a video of him playing live at the Plymouth Ice Fest, 2013, four years after he was arrested for driving both underage, and under the influence, from a branch of Taco Bell.

Lawrence “Mr Cool” – Keyboard

Lawrence was the guy in the film responsible for an insult that made the list of The Greatest Cinematic Putdowns Of All Time. In his attempt to stick it to the man, he said what’s usually on my mind when I think about Jack Black – “You’re a fat loser and you have body odour.” Now, however, he’s a visionary of the other keyboard, running his own blog titled “making sure my pen works”. It lists his own personal curriculum vitae as being a dancer, photographer, teacher, student and homo-sapien, alongside some other things that would be best kept by truly making sure his pen works, and writing them down in a diary.

Mr Cool is also Mr Web 2.0, in ownership of YouTube, Vimeo, Instagram, Twitter and Facebook accounts. Oh, and he’s also produced this weird dance video all in the name of “instant noodle silliness”.

(DISCLAIMER: Twitter user @arusaqureshi points out that this may not be the real Robert Tsai. If we’re wrong, sorry. “Let the children’s laughter remind us of how we used to be”.)

Freddy “Spazzy McGee” Jones – Drums

Unlike his web savvy friend, Spazzy McGee doesn’t even have an easily searchable Facebook page. I tried to find it, mainly because I wanted to see what happens when the rest of the living world knows you as Spazzy Mcgee for the majority of your hormonal years, but instead I found a load of fake ones. At the least, this gives hope to all the Shop Worker One and Taxi Guy Three from other film credits, because when you’ve got a few masquerading Facebook pages under your belt, you’ve probably made it.

Essentially, Freddy is like David Bowie. No one really knows what he’s up to right this minute, other than that he played in his school Jazz band, but we can still hold out that one day he’ll surprise us and perform the greatest drum accompaniments on a record since Fragile by Yes.

Alicia “Brace Face”, Tomika “Turkey Sub” and Marta “Blondie” – Singers

Alicia, the other black girl who sings, but can fit into size eight jeans, is a movie star in her own right. She’s been in Are We There Yet? AND Are We Done Yet?, which I really hope we are, but TBH, there’s no way of fixing Ice Cube’s career now. As far as the internet says, Tomika is dead to the world, beyond having the same real life name as a photographer from East London. And, Marta? I couldn’t be bothered to Google Marta. She was boring.

Katie “Posh Spice” – Bassist

Back when I thought love meant more than having feelings toward the Subway £3 lunch deal, or a nap in the afternoon, I was in love with Katie. She played the bass with the same amount of pout that the Yuck counterpart can only dream of, and more angst than several episodes of My So Called Life. She’s continuing that trajectory in her real life, operating under a Twitter account with the strapline, “that girl from that one thing. 1% artist, 99% asshole”. Unlike the majority of her cast members, Katie still plays music. She’s got a YouTube channel, where she regularly uploads webcam shot footage, including this video of her intertwining Weezer with Frank Ocean. Which, for every twenty one year old with a copy of both The Blue Album and School of Rock, is a catalyst for wanting her to fall in love with us already. Even if her other video uploads include things like this.