Screenshots via Dabbin Santa for iPhone
Ho, ho, big booty ho, it’s Christmas time, and, to celebrate, 2 Chainz has released a full array of Dabbing Santa apparel and is even using some of the proceeds to support the TRU meaning of the holiday season. But that’s not all: Have you played his Dabbin Santa iPhone game? There may be no more festive activity available. Is Dabbin Santa this year’s perfect stocking stuffer? To find out, I donned my Santa hat, flexed my dab muscles, and gave it a whirl:
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Graphics
Crisp and well-drawn, what really stands out visually is the details. Our protagonist arrives in level one ready to deck the halls in Versace sunglasses, two gold chains, and Ferragamo belt. He’s lugging a bag of presents marked “GAS” which seems like an imprudent thing to do for legal reasons, but Dabbin Santa is a hero who, like Batman, is just above the law.
The enemy “Bandits” appear to be Seussian creatures with red balaclavas and severe foot issues. They too, seem to be dressed in the Christmas spirit, donning Santa hats and fur trimmed red sweaters, but the sinister way they creep forward indicates that they are just interested in running into Santa and stealing the gift of gas for themselves.
Level one is the interior of a house, halls fully decked. The background scenery is repetitive, but the snowman creepily peering in through the window is a nice touch. Level two takes our protagonist out into the snow where more Bandits lie in wait. There are more levels with new scenery for every 100 Bandits vanquished via dab, but it’s all the same idea, and honestly I could only explore so much without getting carpal tunnel.
Gameplay
Dabbin Santa rushes forward as Bandits appear on screen in varying amounts. The objective is to dab on 100 Bandits, knocking them down to proceed to the next level. Dabbing in the game is infinitely easier to execute than in real life, as it just takes a tap anywhere onscreen. However, if you do not perform a timely dab as you encounter a Bandit, you’ll be knocked over, the presents in your bag-o-gas will fall out, and it’s Game Over.
The simple mechanics might entice you to keep tapping repetitively without regard to the Bandit situation that lies ahead, but I found this is poor strategy: You’ll just hurt your hand and tire out before crossing that 100 bandit mark. Risking a repetitive stress injury to your wrist will also hurt your IRL dab form and your romantic life (if you’re me).
Sound
The game features a bright and clear rendition of the “Watch Out” instrumental, and when you hit the dab 2 Chainz lets out a satisfying “STIFF ARM!” ad-lib or an edited “Watch out lil *record scratch*” There isn’t much variety, but the sound design is pretty good and might be the strongest part of the package.
Audience
The game is rated for persons 12 and older for “Frequent/Intense Cartoon or Fantasy Violence” and “Infrequent/Mild Profanity or Crude Humor.” I honestly did not notice any of that, but, despite what my readers might tell you in the comments section, I’m not 12.
Value
Replay value appears in theory to be infinite, so that’s a bit of a steal for 99 cents. However, tall boy cans of Arizona are also 99 cents and very tasty.
Verdict
If 2 Chainz weren’t involved, I’d give this game 1.5 dabs out of 5. There’s not a whole lot to do, and while it would work just as well as a 2 Chainz pocket instrumental app, the primary and worthy purpose is to promote the Dabbing Santa apparel, which you can (conveniently) purchase from the Game Over screen.
But 2 Chainz is involved, and he is a national treasure, so he gets a 4 out of 5. Happy Holidays! Dab like no one is watching, skrrt like you’ll never get hurt, and pull up to the scene with your ceiling missing.
Yung Costanza is critiquing people’s dabs on Twitter.
