Don’t shoot the messenger, but it’s been snowing a bit in Britain over the past week. And because this country is apparently unable to deal with anything outside the temperature range of zero to 20 degrees Celsius, the more rural bits of England and Scotland have been without power for days, with some people barely able to leave their homes.
The thing is that tinned food, flickering candles and exits blocked by tumbling snow sounds like basically the most romantic thing ever to me. In fact, I often find myself resenting the fact that if only we’d found ourselves trapped in a confined space for an extended period of time Ryan Gosling and I would be on the brink of exchanging vows by now.
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So, looking ahead to a completely hypothetical world where it snows the whole time and celebrities come to stay, I went to ask some strangers a question. London, who would you want to be trapped with if the weather started playing games on you?
Imogen, works in fashion: I’d like to be trapped in a house with Tom Hardy and I probably couldn’t tell you what I’d want to do to keep warm.
I’m pretty sure I can guess. Sex. It’s sex, right? Have you ever been stuck in an enclosed space? Like an elevator or anything?
I was once trapped in my friend’s flat for two days. I had to eat everything in her cupboards, which included stuff like plain bran flakes because there wasn’t any milk. If I’d left the flat I’d have got locked out, so I was trapped eating dry cereal for two days.
Was it depressing?
Yeah, it was awful. It was snowing outside as well, so I was just stuck in this cold flat eating bran flakes.
Do you think you’d go to great lengths to survive?
I would and I did! It was seriously bad; it was traumatic.
Yeah, eating dry cereal does sound pretty traumatic.
John, works in finance: I’d probably want to be stuck with Hunter S Thompson and do a shit-tonne of psychedelic drugs and try to relive some of his heyday.
Have you ever been in that kind of a situation?
Thankfully no, not yet.
If you were stuck with someone you totally despised, how do you think you’d handle that?
I’d try to work through it, I guess. I’d debate and mediate – try to find a middle ground, you know?
I know. If you were stuck at home right now, do you think you’d be able to survive with the things in your kitchen?
Yeah, for a couple of weeks, I guess. I’ve got lots of tinned stuff just in case. People go mad, don’t they? When there’s even just a hint of snow they clear the shelves out, so it’s good to have a back up.
Nick, banker: I have no idea.
No friends or famous people you’d want to be trapped with?
I’d be trapped in my house with my wife, I guess.
That’s nice. Do you think you’d do anything fun?
No. I’m quite dull, I suppose. I’d just have a normal day – you know, hang out, watch some TV, nothing much.
You wouldn’t want to connect with an idol or make a game of being stuck inside with your wife or anything?
Not really, no. I don’t like people that much. Just me and my wife watching the telly.
Jesus.
Jodie, legal secretary: Oh my god, Ryan Reynolds, just because he’s gorgeous. He’s gorgeous, isn’t he?
I’m more of a Gosling girl, tbh. Is Ryan’s wife invited?
Of course she’s not invited.
Okay. Do you think you’d come up with something fun to do to pass the time?
Yeah, probably. I can’t think of anything right now, though. It would be a nice excuse to take some time off work and do something productive, though.
Have you ever been stuck anywhere with anyone a period of time much longer than you were hoping for?
Sometimes when you’re on a long journey somewhere on public transport you can’t exactly just walk away, you’re kind of stuck. When you’re sitting next to someone a bit strange you just have to smile and nod, agree with them and not react too much.
Will, freelance video editor: I’d definitely invite my friends over, play some cards and backgammon and hopefully have a bottle of something. I’d play some drinking games, play some music on my guitar and, umm, what else would there be to do?
What would you do if you were stuck there on your own?
I would read. I have a guitar that I’m not very good at, but I’d probably strum that. What else? Catch up on sleep – that kind of thing.
If you were stuck with someone you hated what would you do?
That’s a horrible scenario. I’d play the memory game, or something? I’d probably go mad to be honest. If there was some weed there that would be quite fun.
Previously – What’s the Strangest Thing You’ve Seen Someone Do in Public?
