Scotland has decided that the minimum price for a single unit of alcohol will be fixed at 50p. This may not seem like much if you’re rich. But you know those super-cheap bottles of own-brand vodka you resort to when you’re waiting for your welfare money/paycheck/parental allowance to come through? Well those are gonna be 50 percent more expensive in Scotland now. And Scotland has never been a country to shy away from the sauce.
Fortunately other drinks, ones that cost more than a pack of gum, won’t be affected. But isn’t it more noble to booze on the cheap? Isn’t there some tacit admission that you’re drinking for the base effects of the chemicals, rather than “the taste” (what?) or because for some reason sipping Jack Daniel’s makes you feel like a Delta bluesman? If there’s clever drinking and stupid drinking, what do idiots drink?
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Paz, 45, photographer/ boutique owner: WKD! No, Snakebite! Snakebite! Snaaaakebiiiite!
OK. What do you drink?
Old Fashioned!
Have you had one already?
What, today? No, I’m on cappuccino!
Is alcohol the best drug in the world?
No! Air! Oxygen!
Air’s not really a drug though, is it?
Sex! Seeeeeex!
What do idiots drink?
David, 39, accountant: Babycham.
Why?
Because it’s awful.
I wouldn’t know, before my time. What’s your preferred tipple?
Straight bourbon with ice.
Manly.
Steve, 18, chef: The idiots, they are all drinking Lambrini.
It’s not really a cooking wine, is it?
[dirty look].
Phillipe, 22, student: An idiot? Alcohol?
Yeah, you know, idiots, stupid people. Which type of alcoholic drink do they pour into themselves?
For me? If like it’s something blue, or something.
Ah, you don’t like drinks that look unnaturally colored?
Yeah, a lot of sugar is shit. You’ll throw up on the toilet.
What’s your favorite alcohol?
I’m not very original. I always take the cheaper ones; vodka, like, £9 a bottle.
What is your favorite brand of vodka?
I told you. The cheapest.
Liz, 25, designer: Lambrini.
That’s the second time I’ve heard that today. What do you prefer?
Gin and tonic!
What do you think of a world without alcohol?
Who knows, at least with alcohol you can mask the despair.
I always thought gin made people depressed?
Adam, 22, retail manager: Judging by the adverts, let’s say WKD.
And judging by real-life experience?
Real-life experience, that would have to be gin and tonic.
Interesting. A few people have said that it’s their favorite.
Nah, it makes you depressed. They call it “Mother’s Ruin,” don’t they? I know a lot of people who have been destroyed by G and T. It’s definitely an idiot’s drink.
What’s your preferred drink?
If I’m going to drink anything, it’s got to be a pint of lager. It’s a good drink for any situation.
What’s the best drug in the world?
Cannabis, by a mile.
Why?
Everything’s better on weed. Every scenario gets better: You feel more relaxed, you don’t do anything stupid, like make a tit out of yourself in front of a girl or slap a bouncer.
Bouncers hate it when you slap them!
Previously – Have You Ever Seen a Ghost?
