Holidays
Google Stalked Santa Claus and a Website Ranked States by Their Average Penis Size
This week, Google launched a website that tracks Santa Claus's location, some idiots ate raw beef in the name of tradition, and a website named Condomania.com ranked states by their residents' average penis size. As you can probably tell, it was a...
Celebrating Hasidic Mardi Gras in Crown Heights
The Orthodox Hasidic Jewish lifestyle seems grim and austere, but for a day during the weeklong harvest festival Sukkot, the streets of Crown Heights run wild with throngs of be-hatted and bearded Hasids drunkenly dancing in the street.
People and Brands Have No Idea How to Commemorate 9/11
It's September 11, which means every man, woman, child, and corporation must take to Twitter and broadcast inane, occasionally bizarre, professions of patriotism. Is this really the best way to honor a tragedy we can come up with?
Remembering Independence Day Behind Bars
Other than getting some bonerable melon, there wasn't anything good about spending Independence Day in prison. It was another ugly reminder that us inmates were missing out on the real world. Anyone we talked to outside was going to tell us about the...
Most Neediest Forgotten Charities
During the holiday season, America's charities are highlighted in the popular media and, hence, deluged with donations. But each year, regardless of the economy or collective good will, some of the neediest of the of the needier needy charities are...
Holidays in Jail
Lamentably, I’ve spent the majority of the past decade’s Christmases locked up. I try to imagine I’m a tough son of a bitch and this doesn’t affect me, but I tell you, it’s mega-hard not to succumb to the depression.
The Kids Are Alright, Getting Less Fat
Forget the holiday gluttony: Kids across the US are slimming down. An encouraging new report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shows that obesity rates among American children--particularly children from low-income families--have...
All I Want for Christmas
Truth be told, I want absolutely nothing for Christmas. I'd actually like to get rid of some crap in my life Vs. acquiring more stuff, but for the sake of this column I came up with a list of things I'd like for Christmas. Or for the holidays. Or...
Caffeine and Stress: Hallucinating Your Way Through the Holidays
"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas," forever trapped inside your skull.
Here's Looking at You, Consumer
Don't even think about pulling any sly in-store shit this holiday season. A special crop of mannequins outfitted with bionic eyeball cameras and identification software is being deployed at select luxury stores around the U.S. and in three European...
Why Do We Go Bloodlust-Crazy Over Holiday Sales?
Watching humans go batshit on Black Friday is better than most nature shows.
Old People Having Fun in the Sun
Here are a bunch of pictures that make you wish you were a bag of excess skin. The photos feature olds unashamedly strutting their stuff while on vacation in Tenerife.