I Went on 100 Random Online Dates for Valentine’s Day

The prep, the excitement, the expectation, the hope, the dread, the fumbled attempt at a kiss at the end of the night; first dates can be knackering. A bad date is enough to put you off for at least a couple of weeks, months – even years. But the hope is, eventually, you dust yourself off and give it another go.

Harriet Richardson is an artist from Manchester whose work explores sex, class, capitalism and the climate crisis. You might recognise her as the woman who was photographed at a climate protest in 2019 with her placard “Leonardo DiCaprio’s Girlfriends Deserve a Future”. Her work includes a fake campaign to get a men’s contraceptive pill to turn semen blue to address trust issues and, more recently, she got all of her ex-lovers to meet her “for a talk” at Parliament Square on the day of a climate protest to boost numbers at the march.

After a painful internet romance ended too soon, Richardson was inspired to delve deeper into the dynamics of digital dating and ask if you can truly connect authentically online. And what better way to do that, she thought, than to go on 100 online dates in a row on Valentine’s Day. Yes, a hundred, with each video call lasting five minutes, one after the other from 7AM until midnight.

The concept echoes the endurance art of Marina Abramović and the tragicomedic work of Kim Noble, with the potential to be intense, heartwarming, unpredictable, life-affirming and bizarre. The invitation to date 28-year-old Richardson was open to any ages, genders, orientations and relationship statuses, including “exes, artists, singletons, colleagues, old flames, friends I’ve not met yet, collaborators, people I’ve accidentally ghosted, that one guy I fancy, cats and landlords’ husbands”.

With consent, she filmed some of the dates for an exhibition later this year, along with livestreaming some on her Instagram page for curious voyeurs. We caught up with her the morning after the night before to find out how it all went.

https://www.instagram.com/accounts/login/

VICE: So, how did you feel going into it? Harriet Richardson: I slept really badly the night before. I had about three hours sleep because as soon as I got in bed, all I could think about was what people’s reactions would be.

**Let’s go back to 6.45AM. How did you prepare?
**I was making spaghetti bolognese at 6.45. I had to meal prep and I was thinking hour by hour. I was sort of feeling excited as well. I couldn’t stop shaking because I felt like I was getting ready for a date, which I was, but times 100!

**Who was the first date?
**A woman called Jen. She’s so lovely. It was nice to begin with a woman – Jen had a very calming presence. She set me up for the next 100.

**Are you used to going on dates with men more often than women?
**I’ve only been on a date with a woman maybe twice in my entire life, and I’ve dated way more men. When I was speaking with women it felt like I cared more about how I was being perceived. I imagine it’s down to the fact that I know what it’s like to be a woman.

Did you have a plan of what you would talk about with people?  
I’m not gonna lie, I very rarely struggle for anything to say in any situation. I don’t really get socially anxious – at least, you know, on the outside. I wanted it to be as organic as possible. If I was meeting any of these people in real life for a date I wouldn’t be rehearsing lines. The only line that I thought about when I was trying to fall asleep the night before was asking people if they come here often [laughs]. I’m really happy that I didn’t do that.

**Is there a part of you that was genuinely looking for love?
**I would say connection, rather than love. I think love is something that develops over time. I wanted to also reinstall a feeling of hope about meeting people online. Recently, I was speaking to a guy for about a month online – I would speak to him pretty much every day and it got sexy, and then we met up and it was so different. Maybe I’d just been a bit naive in thinking that we had anything more than just a sexual connection. So then I was really interested to know whether a five minute conversation with someone could feel more authentic than that entire exchange.

**Did you keep track of how the dates were going?
**I kept a tally for the whole day of different things: people that I got nervous about, people that I felt a genuine connection with, then creeps and no shows and stuff like that. There was only one creep. I thought that was quite good out of a hundred!

Can you tell me about that?
I knew he was going to be creepy and I was thinking, ‘Should I call it off or no?’ I decided to go ahead because that’s part of it, isn’t it? This feels like a really good sort of cross-section of what dating is. You will get creepy people you don’t want to be around, and I had to at least endure that. He just basically wouldn’t leave the call. You could tell he was getting off on making me feel really uncomfortable.

**Jesus. Meet anyone you fancied?
**There were probably ten dates where I came off blushing and really excited. For that to happen ten times in a day is wild! I’ll definitely be in contact with them again.

**Did you spot any patterns?
**It was surprising to me how often you’re able to get into quite meaningful conversations within about a minute. I found this more with women and more with older women. I’d say it happened probably five or six times where we were two minutes in and they would tell me that they had a sick parent or they’d just gone through divorce. Maybe it’s to do with having someone to talk to on a day like Valentine’s Day.

I was [also] really impressed that not only were actually 95 people on time and ready, people had set up dinner, or lit a candle or had a gift. I had poems read to me by three people. Isn’t that ridiculous? Someone sang me my favourite song on the piano.

**I thought there would be more horror stories from your 100 dates, to be honest. Did you?
**Being completely honest, as a woman who’s dated in London, I thought it would be like, 50/50 horror stories. There was just one creep, and that was it. Is that not the most incredible thing you’ve ever heard? It gives me so much hope in humanity.

**So would you recommend speed dating as a way to making good connections?
**I actually had thought about doing it in preparation for this performance, but then I thought it would be more authentic if I’d never done this before. Something about the time constraint was quite relaxing for me – you know that you don’t have to be there for two hours making conversation with someone you don’t get on with.

You did get stood up a few times? Five or six times, but I had a reserve bench. I did another call out the day before and said I might need some backup dates – there were a hundred people on the bench! I thought I was going to be begging people to date me.

**Were there any old flames rekindled?
**Maybe friendships. Like, I should get in contact with this person afterwards.

**How did you keep up the stamina?
**Well, I don’t drink caffeine because it makes me anxious. I did this whole 15 hour experience without caffeine, which I think in itself is already some kind of achievement. At first I tried to get in the headspace of “what would Marina Abramovic do”? I only lasted about half an hour because I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have a bottle of Aperol next to her at 11AM when she’s doing a performance.

**Were you drinking booze?
**I was having Aperol spritzes and then I got through one and a half bottles of Prosecco. I’d been on sober dates in the past and they just weren’t as fun.

How did you feel at the very end?
I actually ended up doing 101 dates. I then shut my laptop and I cried for about five minutes. I think it was a mixture of being overwhelmed by around a hundred lovely dates and pure exhaustion. Then I couldn’t sleep! Can you believe I was lying in bed thinking about all the different dates! I was stuck in this fucking love marathon.

@Jak_TH