All roads lead to Lovehoney, my friend. When we look back on all of the dildos we’ve ridden, restraints we’ve fastened, and ball gags we’ve bitten, they jog fond, gauzy memories of smashing that order button on the sexual wellness site, and thinking, “Baby’s gonna love this prostate trident.”
Once upon 1999, buying sex toys usually meant sniffing out your local adult store or seedy dildo slinger. Not that we don’t encourage you to patronize your local businesses/trench coat civilians, but things have changed a lot since then. The sexual wellness industry has blossomed with a wave of aesthetic and education-forward vibrator brands, and they’ve been made even more accessible thanks to discerning sexual wellness sites such as Lovehoney, where you know every toy is going to be 1) interesting, 2) high quality, and 3) described in detail.
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There’s a lot to browse on the site, from the bestselling sex toy aisle to the beginner’s toy section, and we’d hate for you to feel overwhelmed by the bounty. Luckily, we would love nothing more than to carry your load, and gush about the best spankers, pluggers, and toy bundles in this must-have guide to the sexual emporium.
Slip into those latex toe gloves, and let’s get into it.
The best vulva toys
We’ll start with the classics, such as the iconic Magic Wand vibrator. This powerful clitoral vibe buzzed so that every other high-tech, bells-and-whistles-heavy rabbit vibrator could blast off, but there’s still something to be said about the staying power of this OG clit-pleaser. The long handle makes it ideal for massaging all of your nooks and crannies, sexually or otherwise, and the intensity of the vibrations is great for folks who want a little more umph and direct clitoral stimulation.
A VICE editor favorite, the Womanizer Duo is a hybrid clitoral suction toy and G-spot pleaser with motion-sensor vibrations, which means the harder you press down, the harder you get off. We’ve written an entire VICE review about the toy, which also has one of the quietest motors we’ve (barely) heard.
Listen, the Fifty Shades of Grey sex toy line is surprisingly amazing, and it’s out in full force at Lovehoney. The brand’s Greedy Girl rabbit vibrator is a VICE editor favorite, because it packs 10 inches of schlong (but not too much girth), a clitoral stimulation attachment, and a flat base that is ideal for humping and grinding.
The internet is full of TikTok-viral rose-shaped clitoral suction vibrators, but only the Fifty Shades line has given us a rose in a shade of midnight black. As one Lovehoney reviewer writes, “[It’s] amazing. Could replace a lot of men.”
The best penis toys
Many male sex toys have a reputation for being hard to clean, which is understandable for any device that’s basically a penile mail chute. That’s where Blowmotion’s bestselling, warming male masturbator comes in to set a new standard for easy cleaning and powerful suction. As one reviewer writes, “2 mins in [and] my partner was turned on just by my reaction lol.”
Curious about prostate orgasms? Let this sexual trident guide you. The Aneros has received high marks from Loverhoney reviewers for its ease of insertion and ability to hit the P-spot like a champ. As one fan writes, “Beautiful design, this is the Aneros that I’ve been waiting for. Rechargeable & discrete.”
This toy is by a brand called Orctan, which sounds like it comes from a Transformers movie, and looks like it belongs in a car wash. This penis-pleaser is unlike any other toy out there, and a bestseller at Lovehoney for folks who want toys that cater to gentler stimulation. “I’m definitely on the more sensitive side,” one reviewer wrote, “and this thing was great. More of a slow burn, but very intense once I get there.” Cop it while it’s 60% off.
The best couples toys
Remember Frank Ocean’s 24K gilded cock ring? Anyways, here’s this: a bestselling dual-loop cock ring from Lovehoney that has a textured nub for clitoral stimulation. As one reviewer writes, “[It’s] my wife’s absolute favorite toy in our collection now. Even more so than her Hitachi wand.”
We-Vibe makes some of the best couple’s toys your clams can buy, including this app- and remote-enabled vibrating cock ring. As one pleased reviewer writes, “[it] keeps my love life happy and hot.” Nice.
There’s an entire VICE guide to pegging, but suffice to say this strap-on kit is a one-stop shop for almost everything you need. For under $50, you’ll receive a seven-inch dildo and harness (just don’t forget the lube).
The best lubes
… Speaking of lubes, Lovehoney is awash with some of the best sploosh juices on the market, including Sliquid’s 4.9-star average rated water- and silicone-based lubricant, as well as Wicked’s water-based lube, which has been deemed perfect for folks with sensitive skin by one reviewer. Catch ‘em all, and roll this Japanese lube stairs reality show during foreplay.
The best sex furniture
If you didn’t turn your living room into a horny playpen this winter, don’t worry. Sex furniture knows no season, whether you’re looking to bring home a Liberator Wedge sex pillow for deeper penetration, or a sex chair for testing out new positions and reducing muscle strain during your horny acrobatics.
The best BDSM gear
Cuffing season may be over, but your BDSM spring awakening is just beginning. Lovehoney offers a smorgasbord of ticklers, spankers, gags, and anything else your kinky heart could desire. This set of no-drill bed restraints is a VICE editor favorite, because it’s truly idiot-proof and easy to use thanks to the handcuffs’ Velcro fastenings.
If you’re just starting out on your bondage journey, these beginner’s restraints are a fun, accessible way to get railed without needing to know the ins-and-outs of shibari. As one reviewer writes, “The material allows for knots to be tied tight enough to restrain, whilst being hassle free to undo them.” The best of both worlds.
Don’t sleep on the lingerie section
Last but not least, Lovehoney is strapped with sexy lingerie, including costumes, men’s underwear, and a range of plus-size intimates, such as this pleather one-piece with peek-a-boob zippers. Wear it to smash, to the rave, and to Riis Beach.
Here’s to happy endings.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.
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