The holidays are about giving, not receiving, right? Well, whether you want to buy a gift for the Russian oligarch in your family or just get the most deluxe version of something as humble as pasta, here's how to make anyone feel spoiled. Sure, your credit card could spontaneously combust after some of these purchases, but there's also plenty of stuff in here that will make that special person feel a little more fancy without breaking the bank.
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Under $100
Holiday Ranch Fountain with Skirt, $110Give ranch dressing the love and attention it deserves by putting it in this fabulous fountain and dressing it up in a holiday skirt.Buy Now
Oak Smoked Water, $5Has plain old water become tiresome? This oak smoked water will add a smoky flavor profile to anything you’re cooking, or you can just chug it and have one of the most intense sensory experiences of your life.Buy Now
Dark Chocolate Linguine, $8It might sound a bit bizarre, but chocolate-infused linguine is the start of whatever dessert dish—or savory entree—you can put your mind to. Mexican cuisine has molé; maybe it's time that we considered cocoa for our pasta plates.Buy NowChocolate Milk Body Wash, $28This body wash and bubble bath is way cheaper than buying 50 gallons of chocolate milk at the grocery store or filling up your bathtub with Yoo-hoo. Not that, you know, we've done that.Buy Now
Avocado Chocolate Bar, $10Take the buttery texture of avocado, collide it with the sweet creaminess of white chocolate, and you have a chocolate bar for the ages.Buy Now
Zodiac Dessert Plates, $65Dessert is as good a time as any to look into the future, and this set of dessert plates will at the very least stimulate dinner party conversation about the merits of astrology. (It works, OK?)Buy Now
Hand Engraved Dragon Head Whiskey Glass, $50A glass to match the fire breath of drinking straight Scotch; an ideal gift for the whisky enthusiasts and Game of Thrones nerds in your life.
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Spice Lab Himalayan Salt Shot Glasses, $22No salt? No problem. These shot glasses are made out of pure salt, so you won’t be making a huge mess the next time you’re doing tequila shooters. Well, no guarantees about what mess you might make after you've done the shots.Buy Now
TOTAL SPLURGE
ROE Caviar Personalized Indulge Box, $720There’s eating caviar, and then there’s eating caviar in out of a sleek wooden box with your initials engraved on it. We suggest the latter, which is easily achievable thanks to this personalized caviar box from ROE. It’s like an embroidered silk robe for fish eggs.Buy Now
Hermès Balcon du Guadalquivir Soup Spoon, $105Turn every slurp into an indulgence with this very fine Hermès soup spoon. It may be small, but it won’t go unnoticed, with its eye-catching red-and-white pattern that gently whispers, “I like fancy shit.”Buy Now
Veglia Nut Hammer and Anvil, $230Cracking nuts need not be an undignified affair. This set allows you to open those roasted chestnuts with the authority of a gavel-wielding judge.Buy Now
Baccarat Crystal Moulin Rouge Champagne Bucket With Bottle Holder, $5,990Keep those holiday bubbles well-chilled and well-surrounded by putting them in this crystal Champagne bucket, complete with gold handles. Who needs diamonds when you’ve got this much ice?Buy Now
Pestelli Sterling Silver Dragon Goblet, $1,780Imagine staring down your annoying uncle with a piercing gaze between sips of eggnog from this dragon goblet, as the fireplace roars behind you. It’s worth buying for yourself on those grounds alone.
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Pollock Dinner Plates, $240Know anyone who needs a little help in the presentation department when they cook at home? Luckily, there’s no need for flower petals or foam. They can just slap their food down onto these Jackson Pollock-inspired plates and turn their holiday food into abstract art.Buy Now
Stereotypism Dinner Plates, $290
Ever had a meal so good that it wanted to make you lift your hand in a stereotypically Italian manner and proclaim, “Bravissimo!” Well, thanks to designer Lucio Bolognese, you can do so correctly while eating with clear instructions from this handcrafted “Stereotypism” dinner plate set. As for speaking Italian, you’ll have to do that on your own.Buy Now
Ever had a meal so good that it wanted to make you lift your hand in a stereotypically Italian manner and proclaim, “Bravissimo!” Well, thanks to designer Lucio Bolognese, you can do so correctly while eating with clear instructions from this handcrafted “Stereotypism” dinner plate set. As for speaking Italian, you’ll have to do that on your own.Buy Now
KitchenAid Artisan Black Tie Limited Edition 5 Quart Tilt-Head Stand Mixer, $1,000This all-black (yes, even the bowl) KitchenAid stand will add edge to anyone’s baking. It looks fucking metal and will have your old aunt cranking up the Pantera next time she’s making butter cookies.Buy Now
Jamie Bissonnette Snake River Wagyu Beef Selection, $391Not sure how to navigate the pricey world of wagyu beef? Let Toro and Coppa mastermind Jamie Bissonnette do it for you; he’s curated a selection of three less-conventional cuts—like culottes and teres majores—of Snake River wagyu beef that will get “Oohs” and “Ahs” from the meat eater in your life.Buy Now
15-Liter Ace of Spades Nebuchadnezzar Champagne Bottle, $35,000
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On the off chance you need a 15-liter gold-plated Champagne bottle or two for a holiday party, look no further. We’ll let you peep the price tag.Buy Now
Justin Hager ‘Tecate Diggs’ Original Art, $125Justin Hager illustrated our very awesome cookbook MUNCHIES: Late-Night Meals from the World's Best Chefs, but he’s also got a wealth of other pop-culture-centric art that would make perfect kitchen decorations. Take, for instance, this print of Taye Diggs in a bottle of Tecate. Who wouldn’t want to own a Tecate Diggs original?Buy Now