The Almond Cow Machine Makes Amazing DIY Plant-Based Milk

In ye olden days, making non-dairy milk was a huge pain in the ass. It was fairly prohibitive, at least for people like me (read: those with $4 and something better to do). First, you’d have to have the foresight that you were going to make milk later, so you could soak the almonds, oats, or cashews; then, you’d have to use a sick blender to pulverize everything. You’d also have to have a “nut milk bag” so you could wring everything out for its nutrients and flavor, but avoid getting all the pulpy bits in your milk. Finally, there was the cleanup, i.e., carefully removing all the pieces from the nut milk bag and composting them or dumping them in the trash. Granted, for the small margin of people in this world who both 1) don’t consume dairy products for whatever reason and 2) also distrust Big Nut Milk, it was probably a worthwhile endeavor, especially considering that some non-dairy milks from the store can be pretty high in sugar, or have added sodium or other preservatives, which not everybody wants. These days, however, nut milk bags have taken their historical place among fax machines, fountain pens, sundials, phone books, and pagers—we have nut milk machines now, which can basically crush unsoaked nuts into a tasty milk with minimal prep and virtually no cleanup.

This amazing technological advancement has been picking up steam for a little bit; we’re sort of in the frontier days of nut milk machines. Among the few great products out there now is the Nutr, which, according to VICE staff writer Nicolette Accardi in her very fine review, is “so easy to maneuver that a frickin’ chimpanzee can use it.” She found that, though it was a bit loud, the single-serving machine was easy to clean, and very efficient. Wait, you’re thinking. Single serving? You mean I have to use this shit all the time? Fear not, my lazy, dairy-milk-hating friend: the Almond Cow is here to make your favorite plant-based milk in huge volumes.

The Almond Cow, since it does make whole-ass-carton amounts of milk, is a Big Metal Daddy for sure. It’s not heavy (in fact it’s pretty light), but it does take up a lot of space. The mechanism, however, is pretty simple: You fill a cage with nuts, dates, oats, whatever you like, and fill the chamber below with water. When you smash that “start” button, the machine blends your stuff in three stages, making sure to thoroughly demolish whatever you put in there.

The Almond Cow, despite its name, isn’t only for making non-dairy milk. A humongous recipe library on the brand’s website reveals directions for everything from milk, creamers, and cocktails to dips, sauces, soups, and even vegan cheeses. When you start to think about not only all the nut and oat milk you won’t have to buy, but the other dishes you can learn to make at home, the $245 price tag will feel less daunting (especially when you consider that good artisan vegan cheese can easily be over $10 a pop).

On that note, the non-dairy milks that come out of this thing are pretty solid. I love that the recipes allow for you to make whatever kind of blend you like. If you prefer sweeter milks, you can put dates in there, or add some drops of vanilla or other flavors; if you want straight-up creamer, you can make a tasty one. The super popular CocoCash™ recipe uses coconut shreds and cashew pieces to make a sweet, coffee-ready combo milk; Nutella milk uses hazelnuts, cacao powder, and dates or maple syrup. The Rocky Road milk combines almonds, agave, marshmallows, and cacao powder (TBH LFG). In all, there appears to be 77 milk recipes on the site, and hundreds of others, including many for the pulp, a notoriously annoying byproduct. Making almond milk once a week (or so) has become a very painless part of my routine, and has basically eradicated non-dairy milk from my shopping list, which I’m very OK with.

The Almond Cow is also very easy to clean—you basically detach the pulp chamber and rinse it out, and the blades also clean super easily; it even comes with a big plastic container for storing the machine part upright to dry. Beyond that, you just have to rinse out the big canister. If you opt for the “Essentials” package (which is $10 more, so just do it), you also get a cleaning brush and reusable glass jar that looks like one of those old milk jars that a totally safe and normal guy would traverse your property to bring to your doorstep every morning.

Some people have complained that they found it hard to secure the blades, because you have to kind of wiggle them to the bottom of the chamber of nuts to get them to fit properly; users have also said that the canister can get messed up if you don’t secure it all the way. I haven’t experienced either of those problems, mostly because I don’t mind moving my hand back and forth for an extra three seconds, and because I know how to thoroughly close the lid to a jar.

TL;DR: The Almond Cow is an efficient, versatile machine that, if you learn to use it properly, will help you save hundreds on your car insurance… [checks notes]… I mean on non-dairy milk, cheese, and other tasty treats. It’s easy to use and clean, and, most importantly, the milks I’ve had have tasted pretty dang good—definitely on par with store-bought stuff. Now, all that’s left to do is learn to make great coffee to ruin with it.

Buy the Almond Cow here.

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