The other day I stumbled across a strange phenomenon – people covering hip-hop songs using acoustic guitars. This is not a new thing – back in the day when Radio One’s Live Lounge was semi-listenable, The Automatic covered Kanye West’s “Gold Digger” and I’ve been washing my ears out ever since. Anyway, thanks to the advent of YouTube we can now watch white people murder rap songs until they sound like Jack Johnson b-sides anytime we want. Every video is fairly distressing; not just because people drop racial slurs but because you can see in their pained expressions that these waspy kids think they’re releasing some kind of hidden beauty that you couldn’t already find in the originals. They’re all really proud of themselves. This is basically Ed Sheeran’s legacy. Blame him for everything you’re about to see below.
A$AP Rocky – “Fucking Problems”
The worst bit: He says “Girl, my name’s Alex Charles AKA fuck you now not tomorrow”. Aside from the fact the line isn’t even in the original and it doesn’t even make sense, trying to imagine him saying this to a “bad bitch” in real life is making me sad.
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Eminem – “My Name Is”
The worst bit: Literally every time he opens his mouth and sounds like a member of New Found Glory.
NWA – “Straight Outta Compton”
The worst bit: This is a song about the realities of gang-banging in Compton is being sung by some start-up redneck in his loft conversation. So – everything.
Snoop Doggy Dogg – “Gin and Juice”
The worst bit: This is sort of like everything that appeared on those old “Punk goes Hip Hop” compilations they put out when people used to buy CDs. They sounded shit then and they still sound shit now.
Kanye West & JAY Z – “Niggas in Paris”
The worst bit: He sings the “provocative” sample from Blades of Glory.
JAY Z – “99 Problems”
The worst bit: This is actually a pretty high-end production; they’re performing on a radio show. With that in mind this is potentially the worst one in this whole list because it’s not just some teenager putting a video on YouTube, it’s actual grown adults who thought it would be a great idea to turn a Jay Z song into country music.
Danny Brown – “I Will”
The worst bit: At 2:19, when she has to give her “fingers a break”, before singing the next verse.
Tyler, The Creator – “Yonkers”
The worst bit: All. The. Facial. Expressions.
ScHoolboy Q – “Man of the Year”
The worst bit: “This is ScHoolboy Q’s ‘Man of the Year’… with no bucket hat” and the fact that this is the sort of guy who will steal the girl you’re trying to crush on by finding a guitar at a house party and singing this to her.
Rich Homie Quan – “Some Type of Way”
The worst bit: This is quite good – if quite good means ruining every part of the song and turning it into something that wouldn’t even make those rare Saddle Creek record collections that are released every once in a while.
Kendrick Lamar – “Backseat Freestyle”
:(
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