Photos via Zoopla
What is living in London like? Hell. Here’s proof, beyond all doubt, that renting in London is a nightmare.
Where is it? LEOPARD BED KNOWS ALL……….. SEES ALL. LEOPARD BED TASTES THE SALT OF YOUR TEARS BEFORE YOU CRY THEM. LEOPARD BED SEES YOUR PAST AND YOUR FUTURE BOTH. LEOPARD BED SEES YOUR PARENTS AND YOUR PARENTS' PARENTS AND YOUR PARENTS' PARENTS' PARENTS. TIME IS RACING NOW, FASTER, THE EDGES SMUDGING, RACING: THE PYRAMIDS BEING MADE IN REVERSE, RIVERS SUCKING UP TO THE TOPS OF VALLEYS, TREES CRAWL BACK INTO THE FETID EARTH, FISH SHIVER BACKWARDS INTO THE LAKES. AT THE START, ALL IS NOTHING, ALL IS DARK. AT THE START……….. LEOPARD BED
What is there to do locally? LEOPARD BED DOES NOT CARE FOR YOUR HUMAN "GEOGRAPHY". LEOPARD BED LAUGHS AT YOUR NEED FOR A DECENT FLAT WHITE AND A PRACTICALLY-PLACED CORNER SHOP. THE CONCERNS OF MAN ARE THE TORTURES OF THE LEOPARD BED. "It's in Cricklewood. What's in Cricklewood?" YOU SAY, AND LEOPARD BED BARKS A ROUGH, THIN LAUGH AT YOU. "Sort of in that deadzone of made-up places past Hampstead – 'Childs Hill'? That's not a thing, is it? Fortune Green? Mapesbury? Is there a Big Tesco round there, at least? If nothing else, give me a Big Tesco. I can live without a TK Maxx if you've at least got a Big Tesco." LEOPARD BED COUGHS OUT A CLOUD OF GRIM GREY DUST. YOU INSPECT CLOSER. THEY ARE— THEY CAN'T BE? THEY— THEY ARE THE GRIM GRAINY ASHES OF YOUR OWN DEAD BODY !
Alright, how much are they asking? LEOPARD BED DEMANDS A MONTHLY SACRIFICE OF £1,083 OR IT WILL TURN ON THE CHILDREN TOO.
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