Hidden Valley is selling a diamond ring made from ranch dressing on eBay. I’m not sure how to make that statement funnier or more contextually relevant than it already is. There’s a Ranch Ring on eBay and you can buy it.
It’s a “2 carat round brilliant cut diamond set in a 14K white gold band with HVR LVR engraved on the inside,” according to the eBay description, and “a beautiful and timeless way for ranch lovers to show their love for each other and ranch,” a press release from Hidden Valley said.
Videos by VICE
Bidding started at 5 a.m. PST on Friday, and will go until next Thursday. It opened at $310, and 70 bids later, it’s now up to $11,350. Proceeds will go to the nonprofit Feeding America.
“Last year, when one of our custom Valentine’s Day bottles was used in a marriage proposal, we were inspired,” Deb Crandall, Marketing Director at Hidden Valley Ranch, told the Associated Press. “We saw a love of ranch become part of one of life’s most beautiful moments. It made us wonder, how can we make this act of love even more memorable?”
It makes me wonder where the couple with the ranch bottle proposal is today, personally, but that’s beside the point. The larger question here is: how does one apply so much pressure to a salad dressing that it becomes a diamond?
It turns out that all kinds of things can be turned into diamonds, in fact: dead bodies, peanut butter, tequila. With the right conditions (typically a lot of heat and insanely high pressure) anything can become a sparkly rock of questionable value—including America’s favorite pearly, vicious, Italian-seasoned food lube.
Ranch is a polarizing dressing, with many believing it to be one of the grosser dressings. This has not stopped this thing from really cranking in some high bids. If you are bidding on the Ranch Ring and want to tell me why, please get in touch.
