Everything You Need to Know About Dating an Aquarius

“Signs of Love” is a column in which astrologer Danny Larkin breaks down what it’s like to date each zodiac sign.

Intellectual air sign Aquarius will immediately intrigue you with their brilliant ideas. They quickly feel you out and proceed to tell you all about the newest app or life hack pertaining to your niche interests. Few people work the internet like a cutting-edge Aquarius, who excitedly uses their wealth of Wikipedia-acquired knowledge in every new conversational topic—they just can’t wait to share newer, better ways to do things! Those born in the sign of the waterbearer will always surprise you; not only do they have great tips for getting ahead at work, they also get along with all your friends, and are the life of the party.

If you want to take the dive and date an Aquarius, keep in mind that they’re idealists with a burning hatred for exploitative industries—choose a farm-to-table place that uses fresh and local ingredients over a chain restaurant. They’d rather eat what they consider an ethical meal than even the the fanciest, most elaborate dish cooked by a celebrity chef in a swanky setting. When putting together your date-night outfit, don’t expect to impress an Aquarius with the latest trends. Instead, choose clothes that express your point of view, like an inherited item with a funny story behind it, or a favorite T-shirt. A plain accessory made by a local artist will be far more beautiful to an Aquarius than any flashy jewelry.

Be forewarned that Aquarius sucks at flirting. If they like you, they ask lots of questions that might seem a bit… specific. They’ll want to know exactly how you use Excel spreadsheets at your job, what you ate for breakfast, or the details of your workout routine. Then, they’ll try and tell you how you could do all these things better, which can sometimes come across as tone-deaf, condescending, or controlling.

The thing is, Aquarius really does mean well—they just don’t always know how they’re coming across. Aquarians are the rebels of the zodiac with a unique worldview and a strong desire for independence. They’re ruled by taskmaster Saturn and the element air, which symbolizes intellect and mental acuity. That’s why Aquarians believe that logic is the only answer, and why they love to impose their vision of the future on others.

The key to working with Aquarian energy is to sacrifice some of your time to their pet interests. Smile, listen to them wax poetic, and thank them for their insight. At the very least, you’ll learn something new about a topic you haven’t considered! This constant urge to problem-solve is also what makes Aquarius such an amazing partner. At the risk of sounding like a geek, the original Star Trek show gave us an archetypical Aquarius-type: Spock. The hyper-rational, emotionally repressed Vulcan made a perfect foil for the heroic and sometimes impulsive Captain Kirk. Where Kirk was stumped by something, Spock would say “fascinating” and get to work on solving the puzzle. In a similar vein, an Aquarius partner loves nothing more than finding a way to “solve the puzzle” of a tense family dinner or a night out with colleagues you need to impress. The challenges that make others groan excite Aquarius, who revel in the opportunity to put their latest ideas to the test! Although they can seem unfeeling at times, you can always depend on an Aquarius to be fearless when they’re doing what they believe is right.

The hardest part about dating an Aquarius is their rigidity. They get so fixated on what they consider to be the right way to do things that other factors one should consider fall to the wayside. Sometimes success is not just about doing things efficiently, but about doing things in your own voice, with your own flourishes—and sometimes love isn’t about adhering to carefully set date plans, but shifting to suit your partner’s emotional state after a tough day at work. These are hard asks for stubborn, fixed-sign Aquarius. They have a deep drive to adhere to their lofty ideals, no matter how impractical they are, or how much they might oppose someone else’s emotional needs. All your fights with Aquarius will boil down to them accusing you of demanding that they compromise on something they believe to be true and sacred. They can also be total gaslighters in this way, especially when they’re pissed off.

If you need to break up with an Aquarius, prepare to feel the wrath of their stubborn side. After they hear out your grievances, they’ll make a heartfelt plea that long-term relationships are all about sticking with it when times are tough. They’ll concede the relationship needs work, then try to muse about all the ways to improve it, which will inevitably involve repeating their various criticisms that are driving you away in the first place. At the end of this discussion, you simply have to tell Aquarius that, as insightful as they are, you need a partner that provides emotional support, and who’s more flexible and understanding when you have a shitty day.

If you’re in it for the long haul with an Aquarius, you are going to thrive with a partner who wants to help solve every puzzle in your life. Find creative ways to honor their values, and enjoy the thrill of constant innovation on the journey to improve your lives together.

What’s in the stars for you in November? Read your monthly horoscope here.

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