Disney’s sort-of live action remake of The Lion King is hitting theaters on Thursday, complete with Beyoncé songs, Donald Glover, and a terrifyingly realistic Pumbaa. But apparently, you don’t have to drop $20 on a movie ticket if you want to feel the love tonight—because, uh, there’s a brand-new Lion King porn parody called, yes, you guessed it: The Loin King.
The video comes from the fine folks at WoodRocket, a porn production house that has basically cornered the market on hyper-sexual, zeitgeist-aping parodies of every pop culture touchstone. They’ve already given us Game of Bones 2: Winter Came Everywhere, and that Rick and Morty bangfest, and a deeply disturbing LEGO Movie porn, but it seems like WoodRocket has set their sights on Disney, for better or worse.
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First, there were the brain-bleedingly bad puns of Aladdick and now, The Loin King is here.
The trailer claims to be SFW, but be warned—that only means that the nudity is censored. The risk of deep, psychological damage from listening to people sing “hot cum on my ta-tas” to the tune of “Hakuna Matata” is still very, very real. Because, yes, like Aladdick, The Loin King is also full of song parodies that turn every wholesome tune from your childhood in a grating, off-key parody utilizing every conceivable slang word for penis.
The two-minute trailer features such classics as “Can You Fill My Muff Tonight” and “I Just Can’t Wait to Be Fuc-King,” along with a truly heinous pun about “Madagascrew.” And, all songs, aside, if you thought the grotesquely anatomical Timon and Pumbaa in Disney’s Lion King were bad, you haven’t met Tibone and Poonbaa. Or Sinba. Or—wait, is that a fake Elton John character in this movie, too? Is he actually singing “The Circle Jerk of Life”? Oh, no.
It may be terrible, but it looks better than Rocketman, so that’s something. Give the trailer a watch above, if you dare. Apologies in advance.
