An Introduction to the Most Useless Uni Degrees in the UK

Recently, I realised that in all the years I’ve had my degree, not a single employer has asked to see it. I’m not sure I even went to graduation to collect my diploma, but even if I had, it would just be sitting in a drawer somewhere gathering dust. Does nobody care that I read almost half of Ulysses? Were all those years of highlighting lines from “Tender Buttons” by Gertrude Stein for nothing? Yes. The answer is yes.

Obviously there are some very useful degrees – Medicine and Dentistry, for instance, or Law if you intend to become a lawyer. But there are others which, to put it kindly, are about as useful as borrowing 50 grand and blowing all of it over the space of three years on potato smilies and Tesco own brand cider.

We’ve already published a piece on the most useless degrees across Europe, but seeing as the UK is its own special brand of uselessness, we thought it could do with its own special list. Here’s a primer to some of the most useless degrees in the country.

SURF SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY (FDSC)

Where can you study it? University of Plymouth

Overview: Obviously you can do a surfing degree in Plymouth, but that doesn’t mean you should. Maybe I’m being naive here, but I was under the impression that, much like other recreational physical activities – sex, for example, or cartwheels – you can only get better at surfing by actually doing it. Please note that “practical surfing is not part of the course”.

EDUCATION STUDIES (BA)

Where can you study it? Durham University

Overview: There is something very Waiting for Godot (maybe my degree wasn’t useless after all) about getting an education in Education Studies. I’ve read and re-read the course description, but it still seems that, yep, you spend three years learning about learning. Bear in mind you don’t need this degree to become a teacher. So I guess you just do it for fun?

HOROLOGY (BA)

Where can you study it? Birmingham City University

Overview: Horology is the study of clocks and watches, which is kind of hot actually. If I went on a first date with someone and they casually dropped in the fact they know how to understand and fix a clock’s complex inner mechanism, I would assume they know what to do with their hands. Aside from that, this isn’t Victorian England. The only people who wear watches are really rich old people and rappers.

CONSUMER BEHAVIOUR (MA)

Where can you study it? Goldsmiths University

Overview: Why do people buy shit? I don’t know, maybe to distract from the inevitable: that we’re steamrolling towards death, every second of every day, and soon our existence will be nothing, nothing, but a tiny blip in the never-ending hole that is the universe, not just as individuals, but as a human race.

For this degree, you learn things like “how to create and sustain customer experience” and “behavioural economics (including the psychology of pricing)”. Go off, I guess.

OPTIMISING COLLECTIVE INTELLIGENCE (MA)

Where can you study it? University of Leeds

Overview: Here is a quote from the course description: “How can we build intelligent systems and societies that bring together diverse expertise effectively, and avoid the problems of groupthink and polarisation?” Forgive me for being pessimistic, but don’t you think if anyone knew the solution to this conundrum we wouldn’t be in [gestures wildly at surroundings] this situation? I don’t know – I’m not fully convinced that the answer to one of life’s great mysteries can be found at the University of Leeds.

CITIES (MA)

Where can you study it? Central Saint Martins

Overview: When I was a kid I used to wonder why the city around me wasn’t more “fun”. Like, why people didn’t get rollercoasters to work instead of trains, and why buildings were grey and plain instead of neon-coloured. This MA sounds a bit like those childhood thoughts, except it’s an entire degree.

PSYCHOLOGY OF FASHION (BA)

Where can you study it? London College of Fashion

Overview: I am aware that this sounds cool (“What do you study?” she asks at the party. “Psychology of Fashion,” you answer, your fisherman’s beanie moving further and further behind your ears.) Aside from that, though, how useful is this really? It’s not psychology. It’s not fashion, either. This is like studying “art science” or “drama technology”. The words sound like they fit together, but they don’t.

@daisythejones