Antonio Conte Dumps Diego Costa by Text: “You Are Not in My Plan”

I know all the cool kids these days are breaking up via electronic devices, but back in my day, we told someone that they’re no-good to their face. It’s common courtesy. Not to mention that you get to register the depth of human emotion—that person’s love or like or maybe surprise disdain for you—as it flickers across their face for a fleeting moment, as you figure out exactly what you meant to them. You kids out there should try IRL breakups. They’re good for you.

But Antonio Conte, who is a 47-year-old man, for some cold-ass reason decided to break up with Diego Costa, a 28-year-old man, in the new-fashioned way: via text message. Conte told reporters yesterday that that’s how it went down, but a Spanish newspaper AS claims to have obtained a copy of the text itself, which even includes a typo. Just take a gander at this beautifully-crafted carelessness:

“Hi Diego, I hope you are well. Thanks for the seasono [sic] we spent together. Good luck for the next year but you are not in my plan,” Conte allegedly wrote.

It gets even better, as AS is reporting that Costa’s response was a simple “OK.”

You know things are going poorly on the personal relationship front when your manager cuts you after you’ve helped your team win the title as the team’s highest scorer, and not to mention the fourth best scorer in the league in 2016/17.

“My relationship with the coach has been bad this season.” Costa told reporters yesterday, according to the BBC. “It’s a shame, I’ve already forwarded the message to Chelsea people to decide.”

But Costa doesn’t really seem to be too worried, as he appears to be missing things over at Atletico Madrid, where he used to play until 2014. And who wouldn’t want the in-form striker—even if he comes with a hefty asshole burden? The problem, though, is that La Liga banned Atletico Madrid from signing until January.

“Being five months without playing? I do not know, it’s complicated, but people know that I love Atletico a lot and that I love to live in Madrid,” Costa said.

“It would be nice to go back, but it’s difficult to be four or five months without playing. It’s a World Cup year and there are many things to think about. I need to play, just that.”

Wherever Costa ends up, he’s sure to piss off another manager. But he’s also guaranteed to have a good seasono on the pitch.