Apparently David Ortiz’s Face is Carved into this Corn Maze of Lies

I’ve been staring at this corn maze for a solid ten minutes trying to find David Ortiz’s face and I’m coming up empty. According to the Boston Globe, “Ortiz is depicted wearing sunglasses with his fingers pointed skyward, as if fresh off a home run” in these rows of corn. I dunno, man. Seems to me the more likely scenario here is that the folks from the Globe are fresh off an “editorial board meeting” with Timothy Leary.

And Timothy Leary’s dead.

This is a bad corn maze, is what I’m saying.

If you see his face, good for you, don’t @ me.

Can it? Can it, really? I see “Thanks Big Papi” but other than that, it’s a mess of green shapes. I think I see a penguin, or maybe a Canadian goose with its head pointed to the sky? And also, putting him in sunglasses seems like cheating—perhaps an intentional, meta decision?—and if they had put the effort in to really sculpt his face and not take shortcuts it might have been easier to find it.

Just by way of example, here’s a corn maze that never took a shortcut—just like the man it is depicting:

[Boston Globe]