Despite over-expectation being a key skill in a critic’s repertoire, if we look back through the lineage of other famous offspring, Blanket Jackson, Sean Lennon, the baby from the Nevermind cover and the fat one from the Osbournes, then little Nori will at least be afforded a mediocre gifting of success. However, Kim and Kanye aren’t the only rap royalty couple to have a baby, and the competition from other rap children for a career of late-afternoon TV appearances is stiff. In our lifetime, there’s been at least ten famous rappers who have had children. But, can any of them rise above the birthing mucus and reclaim the throne from their father, like a rap game Charlie Sheen, but without the drugs or catchphrases? Let’s take a look.
“Daddy’s Little Girl” doesn’t have the sizzurp-drenched vocals with bass heavy beats that Weezy fans will have been praying for. Instead, this leans more towards “How To Love” era Wayne, when he forgot how to write punchlines like “It’s Lil Weezy, they cannot see me like they’re Stevie” and opted instead for banal platitudes about forgotten moments riddled with love. If you’re not good at obvious clues, the song is an ode to Daddy Wayne, which would be cute, until you remember that Weezy fathered her when he was fifteen, had three other kids, and probably spent the majority of her childhood licking lean from the inside of a stripper’s thigh.
Jaquan Shakur
Father: Tupac Shakur
At the beginning of this video, Jaquan Shakur seems like the cause and effect of a teenager that has spent too many hours inside smoking weed and navel gazing over his own talents. But by the time he starts singing, he’s more like those singer-songwriters who flood their Facebook with incessant to-camera freestyles where they read the lyrics off the computer screen they’re filming from. Unfortunately, Makaveli’s son, being Makaveli’s son, will probably never have to spend a consecutive three days spamming every journalist on Twitter with his latest mixtape, because he’s already got over 150,000 YouTube views as birth right. If it all falls through, though, does anyone have a number for a lookalike company? This guy is a shoe in.
Cori B
Father: Snoop Dogg
When your pops is distinguished as one of the original OGs of the West Coast, you’re probably safeguarded by enough layers of Californian bravado to make a music video about whatever shizzle you choose, lexicon not withstanding. With that in mind, Cori B’s “Do My Thang” isn’t shrouded in complex intertextuality or about to soundtrack any gangbanging activity. It’s just a simple ode to the simplest commandment in life: do your own thang. Even if doing your own thing means working in a shop with your father and aping the sounds of the Fresh Prince’s daughter.
Cymphonique
Father: Master P
I don’t know what’s worse. The fact that Cymphonique is so bawsy that she doesn’t want to turn up to her own party or that her name is actually Cymphonique. The former is a social faux pas which totally disregards the meaning of partying if you intend to show no face, the second is unnecessarily complex. There must be something in Master P’s sperm that makes his offspring music makers or maybe there’s just a lot of money in the household. You pick.
OMG & Doughboy
Father: Ice Cube
Ice Cube’s two broods would have experienced real road trips with a former NWA rapper. Instead of being forced into dreary Sunday trips to Asda like the majority of their peers, I’d like to imagine that O’Shea Jr. and Darrel spent their childhood weekends driving through a San Andreas-esque landscape before returning home to watch Are We There Yet. It’s a sound that perpetuates OMG & Doughboy’s music, because while they’ve followed in Cube’s footsteps and taken up the mic with raps about superfluous amounts of vehicles, big watches and other stuff that I can only Google, they’ve coated it all in the sort of sheen that seems to run adjacent with Hollywood Blockbuster Hip-Hop.
Blue Ivy Carter
Father: Really?
Fresh out of the womb, Blue Ivy already has more features with Sean Carter than anyone else within at least a twelve year radius. In “Glory” Jay recites: “A younger, smarter, faster me / So a pinch of Hov, a whole glass of B / That’s a hell of recipe” – you can’t argue with him, that’s quite the cuisine. Yet, despite lyrics that are indecipherable from any other baby on the planet, it hurts to think that every gurgle she utters is worth more than the contents of a Barclays student account.
Zonnique Pullins (OMG Girlz)
Father: T.I.
Zonnique is the stepdaughter of a certain T.I. and she’s also pursued the same sizeable limelight her father had, minus the jail sentences. The OMG Girlz are an adolescent R&B trio that have enough Gucci in their inventory to boast their worth. It’s genuinely quite a good listen if Ciara and Jazze Pha had you notched in a crunk-filled utopia circa 2004.
Follow Ryan and Errol on Twitter @RyanBassil and @Errol_And
