I have just discovered the best and worst thing, and I must blog about it.
On Monday, YouTube channel “Best 80s Commercials“—which superimposes the most grating sounds upon retro commercials for everything from foodstuffs and medicinal products—posted a doctored commercial for Oreos.
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It is 30 seconds long, and I am honestly disgusted.
The “Best 80s Commercial” channel, which began in April of last year, posted its first video 10 months ago and hasn’t looked back since. They all fall on a spectrum that stretches from “slightly unnerving” to “please remove my ears from my body.” Listen to this Pizza Hut “commercial,” below, that features the slaps and boinks of dough against a wooden slab, along with the deep, heavy sighs of a dapper young fast food worker wearing a newsboy cap who goes on to die in a literal fire:
If that’s not your jam, fall asleep to the sounds of Kraft Mayonnaise being slathered on a cold cut with such brutality that I feel like retching:
Or just watch this a migraine ad that does a dazzling last-minute pivot to Hot Pocket endorsement.
Amazing.
I’ve unfortunately been unable to find the source material for this Oreo commercial. RetroJunk’s database of yesteryear’s Oreo commercials, which I can usually depend on to supply me with this extremely vital knowledge, was no help at all. I was unable to reach the owner of “Best 80s Commercials” for comment. Mondelez, Oreo’s current-day distributor in the United States, did not respond to my immediate request for comment.
Terrible! As I wait, I will be trapped in the auditory prison of this fake 30-second commercial, which I have been playing on InfiniteLooper nonstop.
