Awkward Stories of People Failing to Live Out Their Sexual Fantasies IRL

This article originally appeared on VICE Spain

Whether you’re longing for a threesome with your neighbors or want to fuck a stranger while riding a horse in the surf, most of us have at least one sexual fantasy. And while it’s important to follow your dreams, I like to think that it’s better for some sexual fantasies to stay what they are—fantasies. I’m too worried the reality will disappoint, and that if something actually goes wrong, it’ll just end up being one big sloppy, embarrassing mess.

To reaffirm my personal hesitation when it comes to actively exploring every sexual scenario that comes to mind, I asked five young people to tell me about their worst experiences when trying to make their sexual dreams come true.

A GOLDEN SHOWER

I had never received or given a golden shower. The concept itself didn’t seem particularly exciting to me, but I do love experimenting—so when my boyfriend suggested it to me, I was happy to give it a try.

Neither of us had the slightest idea of how to go about it, but we both agreed that it would be better if it happened spontaneously, without overthinking it. One night while he was sitting on the toilet, I felt like this was the moment. I climbed on top of him and started peeing a little bit.

He immediately got aroused. I decided to take it one step further, climbed off of him, and sat in the bidet next to the toilet—aiming a firmer stream of piss at him. Everything happened so fast, but I quickly realized my aim was off when he yelped, jumped up and ran under the shower. I had peed in his eyes.

The following day, the bathroom still smelled of piss and his eyes were still red. It felt disastrous at the time, but we laugh about it now.

– Ana, 28

SEX IN PUBLIC PLACES

My ex-girlfriend had an almost intimidating sexual appetite, and one of her fantasies was to do it in crowded public places. The cinema, fitting rooms, or restrooms in restaurants—she didn’t care much about where we did it, as long as it was very public.

It wasn’t my particular fantasy but I liked the idea, so during the months that we were dating I went along with it. It was always great—the idea that we could get caught was so exciting. In reality, actually getting caught wasn’t all that much fun. It happened once, during one time when she had suggested we also try out another fantasy she had—fucking me with a strap-on. She chose a multi-story car park in Barcelona as the scene of the crime. I won’t get into the details of the act itself, just that I was at the bottom of the stairs to the parking, bent over with a fake dick up my bum, when a family with three small children came down those stairs. The parents started screaming at us, and we ran. It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, and I feel terrible that I might have scarred three small children forever.

– Jaime, 23

A sex box on an aeroplane. Image via Wikimedia Commons

SEX ON AN AirPLANE

I’m not sure why, but I get horny on airplanes. One time while I was on a long flight with a girlfriend, she felt the same way. We decided to follow our urges to the lavatory.

She had gone first and had left the door open. When I was inside, I locked it behind me immediately. The lavatory was uncomfortably narrow—clearly not meant for two people. I tried to sit down so she could sit on top of me, but there was no comfortable way of doing it. When I finally had a position I could hold for a little while, some very heavy turbulence set in.

The captain announced over the intercom that everybody needed to fasten their seat belts, which we ignored at first. The turbulence, however, was hard to ignore and we were thrown around the lavatory. And then, of course, the flight attendants knocked on the door to tell us we had to go back to our seats. I felt claustrophobic and I couldn’t remember what it had ever been like to feel horny. We opened the door and went back to our seats as quickly as possible. I was too embarrassed to look up to see if anyone saw us coming out of the bathroom together.

– Javi, 26

A THREESOME

After leaving my ex-boyfriend, I felt like I had woken up, sexually. I went from having sex once a week because I thought I was supposed to, to doing it just about every other day—because I wanted to. I also got it in my head that I wanted to have a threesome, and my best friend and flatmate Eva was up for joining me, provided we found a guy we both liked enough.

One night while we were out partying in Valencia, we met someone who fitted that description. We started talking to him and mentioned our shared fantasy. He was completely on board. A bit awkward, but excited, the three of us left the bar and headed to the student flat Eva and I shared.

Since none of us had ever done such a thing before, we decided to take it slow and have a drink first. One drink led to a few others, which led to us making out together, which led to us fucking each other. It was all fun and games, until Eva and I noticed that something yellow and smelly was seeping out of this guy’s mouth. It was vomit. He was vomiting while having sex with us. It still gives me the shivers when I think about it.

– Patricia, 34

RIDING YOUR BOYFRIEND

For a long time, I had been hoping to find a boyfriend who would be open to being fucked anally, and a few years ago I was finally lucky enough to find one. I bought a dildo and a strap-on harness about two weeks into dating him. Although I knew it was his fantasy too, I never dared to mention it to him.

After dating him for almost a year, I decided I needed to bring it up and suggested it while we were in the middle of having sex. It went over well—just talking about it already got us really hot, and after he had fucked me, it was my turn.

I strapped on the harness and he bent over while I surveyed the lay of the land. This was my moment. I entered him but I was incredibly excited and had no idea what I was doing. That was an unfortunate combination—I was too rough and I went in way too deep, too soon. He screamed and I thought I had completely ripped him up inside. We stopped and he turned on his back, crying. The harness is now back in my closet, it won’t come out again any time soon.

– Anahi, 32

Image by Pedro Ribeiro Simões, via