BDSM Starter Kit: The 8 Best BDSM Toys For Beginners

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BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism. There’s an awful lot crammed into that little acronym, but I’m here to help you explore all the multiverse of sensation and release they represent.

The first time I asked a partner to spank me harder, something clicked for me. I couldn’t stop thinking about other objects I could get smacked across the haunches with. An iPad, a spatula, a belt? I knew I wanted something more but I wasn’t sure what that should be.

I know how tricky it can be to find beginner-friendly BDSM gear when you’re just starting out. Luckily for you, I’m here to offer my recommendations in the form of a BDSM starter kit to help you on the path to a more thrilling and rewarding sex life. 

Quick Look at the best BDSM toys for beginners

• Best anchored restraints – Unbound Orion Over the Door Restraints
• Best bondage tape – Unbound Tether Skin-Friendly Bondage Tape
• Best body restraints – Lovehoney Collar-to-Wrist Restraints
• Best Wartenberg Wheel – Pipedream Wartenberg Wheel
• Best riding crop – Spartacus Flexi Crop
• Best candles for wax play – Doc Johnson Drip Candles
• Best flogger – Lovehoney Beginner’s Flogger
• Best paddle – Sportsheets Slut Paddle

Testing, Safety, and Consent

There’s a lot of trial and error when you’re out there buying fetish toys on your own. So, to save you the trouble, I’ve put together a list of items I’m intimately familiar with — everything on this list is something I’ve either used myself, or had used on me. I chose these products because I found them versatile, durable, and approachable for beginners. Before you go any further though, there are some important things to discuss. 

First up, consent. We’ll be proceeding in this guide with the assumption that you’ve done your homework on how to handle interpersonal safety in kink spaces and scenes. That means you might have some reading to do. Three articles I recommend to people so frequently I have their URLs saved in my notes app are the VICE Guide to Kink by Gina Tonic, Consensual Kink 101 by Them, and the Safety in BDSM Guide by Bad Girls Bible. 

Secondly, the gear we’ll be focusing on in this guide all falls under the BDSM umbrella, that doesn’t mean it can’t be used for other kinks. We’ll just be discussing it in a BDSM context. For instance, some of the restraints could potentially be used in CNC (Consensual Non-Consent) roleplay, but for our purposes they were not tested under those circumstances. 

Best Anchored Restraints – Unbound Orion Over the Door Restraints

I don’t know about you, but I don’t have a lot of space in my tiny Seattle apartment. That means we have to get creative when we want to do more elaborate BDSM play. That’s where Unbound’s Orion Over the Door Restraints come in handy. In the box you get a pair of patent leather cuffs and a leather strap you can clip them to. On their own, the cuffs work great as standard BDSM handcuffs, but when paired with the strap they’re a lot more fun. 

See, you open any door in your house, toss the strap over it, then close the door and you end up with a handy place to cuff a partner, or have a partner cuff you. Because doorframes are typically pretty sturdy, you get a lot of leeway to yank on these restraints (or have them yanked on). 

Best Bondage Tape – Unbound Tether Skin-Friendly Bondage Tape

Another fun restraint option is bondage tape. Unbound’s Tether tape is one of my favorites. It’s a nice bright blue and doesn’t stick to your skin or hair, it only sticks to itself.

It’s also strong enough that you don’t have to worry about it tearing when you’re all tied up. Having it wrapped around your wrists gives you something nice and tight to struggle against, but it’s still plenty easy to take off. 

Best Body Restraints – Lovehoney Collar-to-Wrist Restraints

This collar-to-wrist restraint from Lovehoney is one of the more advanced products on this list, but I like it for beginners because it’s affordable, it’s all one piece, and it’s adjustable so it works with a wide variety of body types.

This restraint includes a collar, and two cuffs on the back. The strap is made from a durable woven nylon fabric kind of like a seatbelt material, and the closures are a strong velcro. Plus, you can use it to bind someone’s wrists in front of them or behind. Simple, versatile, lots of fun to experiment with. 

Best Wartenberg Wheel – Pipedream Wartenberg Wheel

Part of the allure of being bound is in the sensations a dom can induce or inflict in any given scene. That doesn’t always mean pain. This little guy is called a Wartenberg wheel, it’s a little metal pinwheel like a spur, and it is a seriously underrated part of any beginning BDSM kit.

Having it traced lightly along your skin can make you writhe and gasp from tickly sensations sent sparking through your nerves. It’s also a fun one to have on hand for massages, with a medium pressure it can feel really relieving to have rolled up and down your back, like the world’s best back scratcher. 

Best Riding Crop – Spartacus Flexi Crop

The riding crop is another tool for impact play, but this one’s really targeted. Because its surface area is so small and the shaft is stiff and flexible it can impart a sharp stinging smack with just a flick of the wrist.

On top of that, a crop is a theatrical sort of tool, giving its wielder a sensation and appearance of authority or dominance. It can be a really effective tool in the right hands, giving a scene a bit more spice and flair than other tools. I bought this one from Spartacus (an amazing sex shop to visit if you’re ever in Portland, Oregon) years ago and it’s served me (and many a dom) well in that time. 

Best Candles for Wax Play – Doc Johnson Drip Candles

Wax play can offer an intense experience that’s truly like nothing else. Don’t do it with just any candle though! These ones from Doc Johnson are made from a low-temperature melting paraffin wax, they dry flaky and clean up easily. Your standard scented candle could be made from any number of wax mixtures, many of which can have a much higher melting point than low-melt paraffin.

To use these, you light one end like any other candle, let it melt a bit, and then drip little droplets of hot wax on yourself or a partner. Word to the wise: Try it on yourself before you use it on a partner, or before you let someone else try it on you. Start out by holding it high and away from your skin, the further the drop of wax falls, the cooler it will be when it hits your skin. But be careful, you are still dealing with fire and hot, melted wax. You can burn yourself very easily if you’re careless. I have a reminder of that on my ankle. 

Best Flogger – Lovehoney Beginner’s Flogger

Floggers offer a really sharp sort of stingy sensation to you or a partner, and they’re one of the most dramatic tools for impact play because they are loud. The sound alone can be a fun element of a scene, and because it’s so flexible and floppy you can use it on yourself easier than you can a paddle or other implement.

This one from Lovehoney is as good for solo use as it is with a partner. The small size makes it easy to thwap yourself on the behind, on other erogenous zones, or non-erogenous zones as you explore what kinds of sensations you enjoy. 

Best Paddle – Sportsheets Slut Paddle

The paddle is one of the best ways to introduce yourself to impact play. With the right technique you can get either a blunt sort of impact sensation, or with a shorter, quicker swat you can get more of a stinging sensation.

I like this one from Sportsheets because it’s sturdy, small-ish, and versatile. It’s a good place to start and figure out what you like. Plus, “slut” is imprinted on it backwards so when you get your thwack just right, there’ll be a pink little “slut” welt on your or your partner’s backside.