Pretty much every end-of-the-year list this winter alludes to the fact that 2017 sucked major ass, and for good reason. Our country has endured countless tragedies over the past 12 months: A London woman added chocolate to her grilled cheese. A fake music festival served its hostages very sad cheese sandwiches. Somebody desecrated a hamburger with deep-fried mac and cheese buns. In retrospect, cheese had a really tragic year, too.
Oh? That’s…not the definition of ‘tragic’? But—but somebody combined Pop-Tarts and cheese!
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In November, Iowa State University student Chris Jorgensen married a Kraft single with two Strawberry Pop-Tarts and shared his work with the world. The Internet was so devastated by the image that the campus police department (jokingly) placed him under arrest. It was the right thing to do.
READ: Police Threaten to Arrest Creator of Pop Tart Cheese Sandwich
In another dairy-related scandal,Twitter user @hyrulecitizen offended pizza-lovers and milk-drinkers alike with this horrifying photo. Marinara: Acceptable dipping sauce. Ranch: Acceptable dipping sauce. Milk: UNACCEPTABLE DIPPING SAUCE. Also, not a sauce!
READ: The Internet Is Losing Its Shit Over Pizza Dipped in Milk
And while we’re at it, here’s another thing you shouldn’t do: Eat raw chicken. In what was clearly an act of trolling, Facebook user Morgan Jane Gibbs shared a picture of sliced, severely undercooked chicken as an example of her “#newyearsresolution” to “eat clean.” “They’re so good can’t believe ive neever [sic] tried it like this before,” wrote Gibbs of her “medium rare chicken strips”. “Can’t wait to dig into this with my homemade salad and veges [sic].” RIP, Morgan.
READ: Trolling Aside, Is It Actually Safe to Eat Raw Chicken?
Also, RIP human dignity. In 2017, we turned the humble avocado into a ‘Guac-E Talk-E’, the subject of a NSFW Subreddit, and a freaking LATTE.
The avolatte (*shudder*) was introduced by Australian barista Jaydin Nathan, who presumably has gone into hiding since unleashing this cursed beverage upon us.
READ: Have We Reached Peak Avocado? We Asked the Inventor of the ‘Guac-E Talk-E’
READ: (NSFW) There’s a Subreddit Full of Filthy Avocado Porn
READ: Avocado Lattes Are the Final Nail in the Coffin of Human Dignity
Lastly, we would be remiss not to include what is perhaps the most pathetic macaroni and cheese the Internet has ever seen—a vat of elbow pasta and unmelted shredded cheddar presented to a group of unsuspecting office potluckers.
The Twitter caption says it all. Bruh, indeed. And good riddance, 2017.
READ: Disturbing Rendition of ‘Mac and Cheese’ Traumatizes Internet
