The Best Way to Start 2024? By Getting a Big-Ass Wall Calendar

Welcome to 2024, baby, a year that we hope blesses you and your loved ones with clear sinuses, healthy hookups, and zero bad trips. It’s time to escort 2023 out (86’d!) and usher in a squeaky fresh new 52-week set that holds all the promise and hope that we can squeeze out of our burned-out little bodies like bubblegum-flavored toothpaste.

We’re updating our wardrobes (finally time to get some Croc stilettos), throwing out our expired condiments, and, to top it all off, blessing our homes with big, beautiful wall calendars—honestly, the ideal way to lay out a welcome mat for 12 months of positive mental attitude, champ. Whether you’re looking for something with a slick modern aesthetic or an ongoing display of Tom of Finland’s greatest hits, there is a wall calendar for every need.

Here are some of the biggest, best, most beautiful, and most badass wall calendars that we could track down.

You only wear neutral colors

If your entire wardrobe only consists of black, brown, white, and gray, this simplistic yet aesthetic wall calendar fits your personality. It’s made of extra thick premium paper that prevents ink bleed-through.

You want to visit every national park

You’re going to need a calendar if you have any chance of planning hundreds of trips. Each month’s page features gorgeous scenic photography to both serve as travel inspo and help plan future hikes. The thick paper guarantees smooth writing without ink seepage.

You’re a shroom head

Sip on your MUD\WTR while staring blissfully at these beautiful 19th-century mushrooms printed on Cavallini & Co.’s signature Italian-made paper.

You’re in desperate of home decor

If you’ve been living in your apartment for two years and still haven’t furnished your sad white walls… there’s really no excuse. These wall calendars created by the Metropolitan Museum of Art double as artwork so you can finally add some color to your dungeon. Each page features famous paintings from artists that even you’ve heard of, like Henri Matisse and Claude Monet.

You still need to plan your 2024 food tours

This food-centric calendar combines our two favorite things (delicious meals and impeccable design) with its gorgeous illustrations by Darina Mohammed, and features wall-worthy art of global cuisine ranging from Indian samosas to Korean bibimbap. In the words of our lord and savior Guy Fieri: That’s dynamite.

Or would you rather go on a bar tour?

That’s also cool—we’ll meet you there as soon as Dry January wraps. In the meantime, a cocktail photo calendar will scratch the itch while you book all your reservations at bougie mixology speakeasies (and then help you remember when they all are.)

You booked a lot of yoga retreats for the New Year

Looking for enlightenment this year? Not only do you need a place to keep your kundalini class schedule organized, but this calendar radiates zen for daily *good vibrations*. It features serene and meditative artwork by Tokyo-born artist Ray Morimura along with inspirational quotes from contemporary Zen masters such as Alan Watts, Thich Nhat Hanh, and Jan Chozen Bays. Namaste.

For the aesthetic minimalist

The Essential Wall Calendar from Poketo has a poster-sized page for each month, with a soothing squiggly lined header and plenty of space for stickies, notes, and doodles. Think of it as a giant mood ring that changes color each month.

One size fits all (months)

This dry-erase calendar from Brucie is a smash hit because you can erase, swap, and move info around on it just as quickly as you can write. No need to remember to tear off March or write around scribbled out plans; for the noncommittal, it’s dry-erase or bust.

Counting down the days till tomato season is back

A farmers market calendar is a great way to not only revel in the juicy beauty of Mother Earth’s edible bounty, but also to remind yourself that strawberries are probably flavorless this month and it’s smarter to stick with citrus, squash, and other happy winter produce. What’s in season? Just peep your cal.

For the astrologists among us

What’s the calendar based on, anyway? The moon! Space! The stars and stuff, dummy! So lean into the real shit moving around in the sky as the days pass—and stay on top of your horoscopes—with these astrological calendars. Llewellyn’s Astrological Calendar is considered the crème de la crème, lauded as “the bestselling source of both marvelous artwork and astrological insights” since 1932. Thank you very much. It’s packed with artwork by Paige Carpenter, comprehensive horoscope and forecast information, and even almanac-like info including travel tips.

It’s a great day to be gay…

At least when you wake up to the sight of your blissfully homoerotic Tom of Finland wall calendar. The iconic artist’s work is showcased on thicc, heavy card stock, featuring “leather daddies, military men, slutty sailors, studly seamen, plus a year’s worth of butts, bulges, and more!” Happy New Year, Daddy!

You need tough love

If your partner isn’t gonna tell you to get your sh*t together for the new year, this calendar has no problem delivering the message. It features smudge-free paper, includes more than 200 stickers, and serves you motivational reminders to keep you in line with all your resolutions.

Why not celebrate the beautiful diversity of snails?

No, seriously, why not? If you’re looking for some gooey, groovy pinups, this 15-month selection of some of the sexiest snails to hit your local log is where it’s at.

And finally, the Chicken Daddies calendar we’ve been waiting for

Interested in urban poultry husbandry, but mainly for the sexy chicken-loving men? Look no further for the wall art that you crave, because the 2024 Chicken Daddies wall calendar has dropped, and it’s as salacious as ever.

Enjoy, and don’t forget to pencil us in for next year.

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The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.