Brek Shea’s Baby Announcement Is Pretty Damn Weird, Y’all

Your homeboy Brek Shea, from FC Dallas, Orlando City, and the US Men’s National Team, is having a baby. Like any civilized American in the digital age, he decided to announce that to the world via an Instagram post.

It looks like this:

So.

There’s a lot to digest in there. There’s Shea’s extremely pregnant girlfriend, Carling, dousing herself in body paint in a bold artistic re-imagining of a Fruit Stripe gum package.There’s Brek himself, naked for reasons that are a mystery to everyone but him and possibly Carling; he is also wearing a fedora, because fuck you that’s why. There’s the hand-over-face pose, which objectively makes him look more than a tad creepy, but actually has a pretty cool story behind it. There’s the decision to display everything other than their naked bodies in black and white, which gives the image a tasteful Album Cover By A Blind Melon Cover Act vibe. Over it all, invisible and yet palpable, is a large thought bubble in which the words “Hell yeah, this is how we want to world to find out that we are preparing to enter parenthood” can be read.

There are questions to be asked, here, beginning with but by no means limited to the fedora. But we will not ask those questions, here. VICE Sports wishes the happy couple nothing but the best in growing their family and expanding our understanding of Instagram’s potential.