As the Supreme Court Justices debate the ins and outs of British law in a suitably dry fashion, we all must all sit tight and wait to find out whether Johnson’s meddling to stop parliament was unlawful – a decision that won’t come until next week.
Luckily, there’s enough to keep us going as we drag our dead body (Britain) closer to a no-deal Brexit (Brexit).
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ICYMI, which you might have, the Lib Dem conference has been taking place this week, which continues to be as inconsequential as ever, as it puts forward policies it’ll never be held to. Boris Johnson is still our Prime Minister, upsettingly, and we can all watch as he continues on his downward spiral towards total public humiliation. Also, someone called “Lord Pannick” is deciding the future of the UK. Just a normal week in politics, folks!
Anyway, here’s who’s had a big week in Brexit.
THE LUXEMBOURG PRIME MINISTER
We may have to endure Boris Johnson as our PM, but at least we have the entirety of Europe available to drag him at any given moment. This week, the Luxembourg Prime Minister, Xavier Bettel, organised a press conference with Johnson to end his trip to the continent – and as per, Johnson was met with an overwhelming chorus of boos and heckling as he arrived.
Allegedly, Johnson’s team asked about a room indoors for the conference, but as none were available the meeting had to remain outdoors. Johnson backed out, leaving Bettel to do the conference himself. Thus ensued a perfect metaphor for no deal Brexit: an EU leader ploughing on as normal, next to an empty lectern where Britain has no say.
LORD PANNICK QC, LADY HALE QC AND THE MANY JUSTICES OF THE SUPREME COURT
As the Supreme Court hearing begins, we’re reminded of the “Justices”, a set of aged QCs who make final decisions on conflicting legal decisions in the land. One of them is Lady Hale, the first woman president of the Supreme court, who commissioned her own personal coat of arms, as well as Lord Pannick QC, who I don’t know anything about but who has a stupidly perfect name so earns points in this arbitrary Brexit Power Ranking. Well done to him.
CHRISTMAS BOOZE
Britain’s winter isn’t looking too flash. According to the Guardian, companies are rushing to stockpile booze before the big festivities, lest a no-deal Brexit disrupts supply chains, leading to a lack of tipple. If you thought a Brexit dinner of turnip and one single roast potato per person would be bad, imagine what any booze to keep you going, because the supermarkets have run out, while you burn the pages of David Cameron’s For The Record for heat.
THE LIB DEMS
The who?????
DAVID CAMERON’S NEW BIOGRAPHY
The what?????
BORIS JOHNSON LYING TO THE FATHER OF A SICK CHILD
In Boris Johnson’s tour of failures – as this period will be dubbed – it will be hard to pull out a defining moment of when he hit rock bottom. This seems to be a tactic from Trump’s book: put your foot in it enough to just make everything one amorphous blob of fuck-ups, meaning we all expect an element of failure.
The repetition of Johnson’s mistakes just means we all care a little less about the next as we acclimatise. Take this week’s most recent Johnson fuck-up. On a trip to a hospital, Johnson was met with the rage of Omar Salem, who was there with his very sick seven-year-old daughter. Salem told the PM that the NHS was being destroyed – his daughter had been neglected for hours the previous night – and yet here was Johnson, visiting for a press opportunity. To which Johnson replied, on TV, with the sound of press photographers clacking away, “There’s no press.” There’s no press.
Conveniently enough for Johnson, this mistake has been dwarfed by a debate around the ethics of BBC correspondent Laura Kuenssberg tweeting that the father of the sick child also happened to be a Labour activist.
