Sports

Cam Awesome Loses, Shakes It Off, Is Taylor Swift

In one post-bout interview, Cam Awesome successfully acquired the most American tween female fan base in the history of boxing. Rather than just accept the loss and shake it off, the U.S. super-heavyweight had some bad blood with the 2-1 decision in the Pan American games semifinal bout against Cuba’s Lenier Pero. But as every boxing fan knows, the game is more mental than physical and positive reinforcement is encouraged, so what better way to feel indestructible and empowered than by being the Taylor Swift of your craft? Nothing.

I won that round as well. Cam, keep up the good work. You truly look amazing. Some people say you’re the Taylor Swift of boxing. I’m not saying I’m the Taylor Swift of boxing, but I’m not not saying I’m the Taylor Swift of boxing.

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But that was Rounds 1 and 2, when Awesome never missed a beat and was lightening on his feet. In Round 3, however, Awesome got into some trouble, which leads us to believe that Awesome’s third-person inner monologue during Round 3 went something like:

Did you have to hit me, where I’m weak? Baby, I couldn’t breathe.

Freedom may not have beaten communism this time, but at least he wasn’t knocked out and left lying on the cold hard ground. Oh.

Never go out of style, Cam Awesome.