Everyone can relate to the exhaustion of hauling ass to urgent care during flu season, or dragging your butt to the doctor when a UTI strikes—well, everyone except the mega-wealthy, that is. Those folks are probably Uber helicopter-ing in their Claritin, or headed to a place like Casa Privée, which is a new woo-woo center for wellness.
The Miami-based medical center appears to be The White Lotus of the self-care industry, in that it’s designed for billionaires who want to get chauffeured to their next ketamine infusion appointment by a private butler in a boat or a Bentley (yes, it literally offers access by land or by sea). And it’s beginning to turn heads with its unique, somewhat perplexing range of treatments. After reflecting on the great anus sunning debate of 2022 (don’t do that, by the way), we decided to dig a little deeper into exactly what Casa Privée is offering its clientele.
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A bit of backstory: Casa Privée was started by a man who goes by Dr. Bankole Johnson, a dude who has also self-published a book about psycho-social therapy. When asked about Casa Privée’s approach to wellness, he says that “our customized wellness plans and premium anti-aging services are designed to empower our clients […] We operate under the guise of the three ‘B’s’: brain, body, and beauty.” So far, some of its famous clients include former heavyweight champion Lennox Lewis and several stars of Bravo TV’s Real Housewives franchises.
The personalized concierge medicine center is home to a variety of treatments, including IV nutrition therapy, hormone therapy, sports medicine, hyperbaric oxygen treatments, and more, but we were most intrigued by something called the “superhuman protocol treatment.” As Casa Privée explains, the treatment is about “Grounding, also known as Earthing, [which] is walking barefooted while absorbing the magnetic field from Earth.” It goes on to explain the purported health benefits of making sure “our human bio-charger and natural alkalizer” is replenished, and suggests red and near infra-red light therapy as a solution for “the whole body to improve wound and soft tissue healing.” Oh, and going to Stonehenge. Apparently, says Dr. Johnson, the Earthly electrons are really potent there.
Prospective customers must contact Casa Privée to request the prices of its services, but we’re guessing they all cost a pretty penny. We’re curious to see what becomes of the luxury wellness center (and are dying to see it make a cameo on The Real Housewives of Miami). Whether you do or don’t believe in the powers of Druidic stones to heal your acne scars, the extravagant center undoubtedly combines contemporary “medicine” with unparalleled luxury.
Catch you later at cryotherapy?
Learn more about Casa Privée here.
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