Charlton Fans Pollute the Pitch with Hundreds of Stress Balls, Like So Many Microbeads

You’ve certainly heard of the dangers of microbeads—the infinitesimally small plastic spheres that plague our environment, being found in fish lungs and various other annoyingly small corners of our planet. Yes, your by-any-means-necessary desire to exfoliate your shitty skin is slowly killing Gaia, mama earth, the Big Green (ok, so I just made that nickname up for Earth based on a horrible soccer movie from the 90’s, but whatever).

So, taking a leaf from insidious detrimental human impact, protesting Charlton fans today launched hundreds and hundreds of miniature stress balls onto the pitch, like so many microbeads, to fuck up the soccer ecosystem. And it worked brilliantly.

Fans of Championship side Charlton have been pissed at the club’s absent father millionaire owner and shitty managerial decisions for a good long minute, having donned black and even carrying a casket into the stadium in a funeral march. They’ve thrown larger balls before (see previous link), but this current iteration is a stroke of evil genius. (Mind you, it was a Charlton fan who tried to punch Crystal Palace’s real life eagle mascot—they baaaad.)

Just imagine having to clean up each of those balls, one-by-one, painstakingly, methodically, before play resumed. It’s maddening. Like someone with OCD clearing sand from a shoe, I can imagine officials and players have broken their mental capacities, trying to rid the field of the microscopic injury risks. Oh, you’re wicked alright, Charlton fans. Bravo.