Cops Crack Case of Mystery Poops on a HS Football Field

Listen, we’ve all got to stash our doo doos somewhere, right? And it’s become pretty passé to tuck yours under the lid of a toilet and then send it away. So one school superintendent made a habit out of pooping on a high school football field—so what? He’s just an innovator.

OK, OK. But for real, this actually happened. A superintendent in the New Jersey township of Holmdel was not only arrested in connection with a spate of mystery poops left on a high school field, but it wasn’t even a school in the district where he worked. It was at a school about three miles from his home.

According to NJ.com, Thomas Tramaglini, 42, was arrested after he was running Holmden High School’s track at 5:50am, and has been charged with lewdness and littering. He’ll be answering the authorities in court on Monday about the unusual distribution of his butt putty.

Tramaglini has been on paid leave of absence from his six-figure school district job, and is also a part-time lecturer at Rugters Graduate School of Education, according to NJ.com. So, you know, this ain’t just some random dude (dood).

Some readers of the Ashbury Park Press were quick to come to Tramaglini’s rescue, saying that the newspaper was blowing up the guy’s spot in the original report. One reader had a particularly choice cluster of words:

Come on. He obviously had to go to the bathroom. So what? They arrested him for it? Really? This needs to be dropped.

This all would be forgivable if this were just one incident, but remember that the cop report talked about finding doos on a “daily basis.” The man is a serial doo doo stasher, and it might be all a part of a high school sports rivalry? Can’t wait to get the scoop on Monday.