Picking out a costume is by far the worst part of all the tacky things Halloween forces upon you. As I meander from one poor idea to the next, I realize that it doesn’t matter what you’re dressed up as; there will inevitably be too many Donald Trump costumes at whatever gathering you attend, and trying to maneuver through a dark club enmeshed in a lethal concoction of sweat, smoke, and face paint fumes will always be a nightmare.
Not many people will be able to decipher what you are in these conditions, which is why dressing like a DJ might be the easiest way to go. The versatility of a DJ costume is crucial. An edgy, mysterious Dubfire costume could also work as a sexy Darth Vader; a Skrillex costume is indistinguishable from an emo teenager stuck in a 2007 MySpace wormhole; a spooky Marshmello costume doubles as trash pulled from a landfill in Staten Island.
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Crucially, dressing up as a DJ also doesn’t take that much work, as long as you have the right accessories. I could celebrate Halloween shirtless, start random Twitter beefs, and say I’m DJ Sneak. Or, if all else fails and I end up being too tired to leave the couch, I could print out all of Sasha’s “Sorry, flight’s delayed and I’m sick” tweets, glue them to a black T-shirt, text my friends that I’m fifteen minutes away, and never show up to the party. Joy!
Without further ado, I present to you 16 DJs you can attempt to embody this Halloween season. Always remember, a DJ costume is incomplete unless it has two things within arm’s length: a dilapidated Rimowa and an overworked, underpaid tour manager.
1. Ricardo Villalobos
– Fanny pack, half zipped
– 30 liters of fresh sweat
– Chopped bob wig
– Stained, loose tank top
– Under eye bags
2. Damian Lazarus
– Compass to prevent getting lost while trying to find your true self on some random spirit quest
– Black top hat (bunny not included)
– Strap-on fuzzy beard
– Floor-length silk wizard robe
– Witchcraft “how-to” books written in the blood of a genie
– Telepathic communication with DJ Tennis
– Lunar energy stored in a mason jar
3. Skrillex
– A dirty checkered Van shoe to kick up a fuss when somebody challenges your emo identity
– 2007 band T-shirt covered in cat hair from the archives of Hot Topic
– A family portrait with Skrillex and Diplo as mom and dad as your home screen background
– Fake prescription glasses that are eight times the size of your face
– Six Grammy awards melted down into a skate ramp
4. Lee Burridge
– Collection of musk and lavender-scented candles from Bath & Body Works
– USB stick comprised of 200 Burning Man videos
– Bundles of burning sage
– Tapestry from a vintage hippie shop in San Francisco to cut and sew into a pair of underwear
– A mood ring that never changes from black
– A cloud
5. Marshmello
– White garbage pail
– Sharpie to draw on facial features
– White shirt and jeans
– A handwritten list of the best YouTube videos of Tiesto making hand-hearts to a crowd of teens
6. Richie Hawtin
– Bottle of sake with an ENTER symbol on it (can be drawn on with Marshmello’s Sharpie)
– Mesh t-shirt in a custom shade of the darkest black known to mankind
– $8,000 mixer
– Bottle-blonde wig
– A shake-weight for men
– Booth monitor that you can throw at the most annoying person at the Halloween party
7. Nicole Moudaber
– Voluminous black wig
– Plump, glistening lips with black lipstick smeared on them
– A shirt with the following inspirational quote: “Roses are red, violets are blue, be nice to those around you, and I’m the queen of fucking everything, including techno, and your mother, bitch.”
8. DJ Sneak
– Beef (literal and figurative)
– A person-sized whoopie cushion
– Twitter app to start fights with fans
– A vintage record player strapped to your chest at all times to prove that it’s better than a CDJ
9. Sven Väth
– Glass of Dom Perignon
– Kaleidoscopic-print turban
– IV bag of fresh, nutrient-enriched blood bought from the black market
– P90X intense workout video
– A cocoon
10. Dillon Francis
– Dubstep blender
– Framed photograph of Calvin Harris exiting Taylor Swift’s TriBeCa apartment
– A hollow rainbow piñata named Gerald
– Snapchat app to document the trials and tribulations of being a grown man who screams at a piñata named Gerald
– Fifty cats named after emojis
11. Dubfire
– Black cape
– An iPhone 7+ to Instagram high quality photos of sushi and exotic seafood
– Black and white Rick Owens sneakers that resemble gothic clown shoes
– Loose-fitting black pants that will flow freely with the wind
12. Dixon
– Baby blue contacts with dilated pupils
– European assistant who shamelessly hashtags your Instagram posts with your own name
– Riccardo Tisci’s phone number
13. Loco Dice
– Nike Air Max’s in an exotic color only sold from an exclusive gala in Dusseldorf
– Socks with diamond nooks to rest toes in
– G2 private jet
– HYTE sweatshirt
– Detroit Tigers snapback worn at a 76-degree angle
14. Guy Gerber
– A pack of Marlboro LightsThree blonde assistants handpicked from the Israeli army
– Yves Saint Laurent Chelsea boots
– Colorful feather braided into hair
– A magical white glove that has been blessed by David Blaine
15. The Martinez Brothers
Steven:
– Tray of homemade empanadas to constantly Snapchat
– Bodega bacon, egg, and cheese hanging out of your pocket
– Black bomber jacket with a hoodie underneath
– Limited-edition Jordans
Christian:
– Seven thousand grams of marijuana
– Perfected New York twang
– Diamond-encrusted necklace that says GOD
16. Martin Garrix
– Fake ID
– Black scoop neck t-shirt from the Baby Gap
– Check to give your publicity team for helping you get the number one spot on the DJ Mag Top 100 DJs list
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