It’s pretty dumb for any NFL quarterback to try to make a tackle. Most of them are terrible at it, for one thing, and even the attempt still exposes the most important player on the field to injury. For every example of Ben Roethlisberger saving a playoff game with an arm tackle or Tom Brady tripping a defender by lying in his path, there’s what happened to Andy Dalton on Sunday.
In the first quarter of the Bengals game against the Steelers, Dalton was intercepted in the red zone by Stephon Tuitt, a man who, if official listings are to be believed, outweighs the quarterback by about a hundred pounds. Dalton dove at Tuitt’s legs and succeeded in bringing him down. He also succeeded in injuring the thumb on his throwing hand in the process.
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Cincinnati also lost tight end Tyler Eifert to a concussion, thoughtfully removing him from the game only two plays after he sustained that brain injury. While Eifert’s an important weapon in the offense, even the best tight end can’t shape a contest the way a quarterback can. The Bengals were mostly feckless the rest of the game and the Steelers cruised to an easy victory.
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It would be odd to make quarterbacks ineligible as tacklers, but teams should preach for their passers not even to bother with a tackle unless in the most dire of circumstances. If there are rumblings about teammates having trouble with a quarterback who doesn’t make a good faith effort at tackling a defensive end, then there are rumblings: grumpy-gus linebackers and salty tough guy fans are preferable to having your quarterback sidelined for a month because he stopped a defensive end a few yards short of where he might otherwise have been stopped.
By all the preliminary indications, the Bengals will be lucky to have Dalton back for the playoffs. A.J. McCarron wasn’t completely inept after being forced into immediate action, though it’s tough not to suspect a fairly serious drop-off as the Bengals compete for a possible first-round bye. That by itself would take Cincinnati farther in the playoffs than it’s been in more than 20 years.
The toxic culture of football is already prone to describe a quarterback as soft compared to many other positions on the field. That’s another culture change that a smart organization would implement for the sake of its own success. Weigh the importance of missing a starting quarterback for a month (or longer) against one score being made and the answer is clear. It won’t stop the dreaded rumblings—nothing stops the rumblings—but if it keeps the team’s best quarterback on the field, who cares?
William Gay Is Still Celebrating His Pick-Six
There were two notable celebrations on Sunday: the Panthers taking a group photo before the drubbing they laid on the Falcons had yet to conclude, and William Gay’s multi-part celebration of his pick-six of A.J. McCarron.
It was Gay’s fifth pick-six of his career, which ties him with Rod Woodson for the franchise record. Woodson may have been the better corner, but I can’t recall a celebration he had that lasted longer than 10 seconds. Clear advantage for Gay here. While many will be inclined to condemn Gay for getting penalized and potentially hurting his team, when one of the coaches joins a player in exultantly crawling on the ground, there’s not much a team can do to punish him.
Pete Carroll Is Doped Up or Dying or Something
Following the Seahawks’ convincing 35-6 victory in Baltimore, Pete Carroll climbed on top of a locker, either to address his team or to reenact the “I AM A GOLDEN GOD” scene from Almost Famous, which I can totally see Carroll being way into. I’m not sure why a beating a team led by Jimmy Clausen would inspire such intense emotion, but as they say, cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Seattle did lose running back Thomas Rawls for the remainder of the season with a broken ankle, further complicating a messy situation in the backfield. Lucky for the Seahawks that two of their last three games are against the Browns and the Rams, and luckier still the next team back in the NFC Wild Card race is two games behind them. Unluckily, Carroll is probably going to make the Seahawks all sing “Tiny Dancer” after beating Cleveland.
Jack Del Rio Went for Two in the Fourth Quarter with a Three-Point Lead
It surely would have been bigger news had the Broncos been able to score any points in the fourth quarter, though it remains a mystery why the Raiders elected to go for a two-point conversion with a 15-12 lead in the fourth quarter when an extra point would have made it so Denver would need a touchdown to take the lead. Getting two points to bump their lead to five wasn’t likely to make much of a difference, and when the try failed all Denver needed was a field goal to tie.
That Mychal Rivera’s touchdown came 16 seconds into the fourth meant there was plenty of time left, and that complicates the situation, but it was a curious decision from a team that hasn’t been especially aggressive in attempting two-point tries in 2015. Many speculated at first that it was because the Raiders long snapper had been hurt just before the team scored, though Del Rio, to his credit, declined the handy excuse and said he made the decision after consulting with special teams coaches. As for why Oakland didn’t try for two after their touchdown in the third quarter, well, that’s just another great mystery of Del Rio coaching.
Stupid “Redskins Facts” Twitter Account Revealed to Be Stupid R*dskins Team’s Fiction
Those familiar with the debate over the Washington team name are surely acquainted with Redskins Facts, a trollish account allegedly standing for the hailing defenders of the team name that also posts things like this:
While there are certainly some fans who do defend the name of Dan Snyder’s team without being on the payroll, Redskins Facts is not the organic source of fan support the team was hoping to project. Something that was always presumed was confirmed yesterday when the Washington Post‘s Dan Steinberg spotted Redskins Facts posting an identical tweet at the same time as the team’s official account. This episode joins the many other examples of Dan Snyder being dishonest in the defense of his racist team name. It’s not quite so galling as the time he employed a guy posing as a Native American chief, but it’s not good.
Dez Bryant Catches Nothing at Lambeau
A few familiar notes in Week 14’s catch controversy: a (crazy) Dez Bryant reception being reviewed at Lambeau Field. Just like in the playoffs last season, Dez had what looked to be a catch overturned on review on Sunday. This latest installment of Dez’s catch drama was a little easier to take, as the ball did touch the ground as the Cowboys receiver was trying to control it. Nevertheless, it should make for interesting discussion between Dez and the newly created NFL committee to waste time while purportedly trying to fix the “what’s a catch” problem.
Also worth noting that Joe Buck claimed during the broadcast that this year Dez reported to training camp overweight, which is something that no one had previously heard. A quick Google search of “Dez Bryant overweight” yielded a post sharing secrets of Bryant’s 3.1 percent body fat and a story about how Dez once fat-shamed a girl on Twitter. So thanks for that, Joe.
Johnny Manziel, from Tablet-Mashed Fuccboi to Triumphant Shitheel in Two Short Quarters
The Browns were victorious on Sunday in Johnny Manziel’s first start since his team-mandated timeout for being caught drinking in his free time. He threw a terrible interception at the end of the first half, and then turned the official tablet of the NFL into a bludgeoning device, which he used on himself. Luckily, Manziel got it together in the second half, showing once again that happy Johnny Manziel is immeasurably worse than angsty Johnny Football:
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The story line paid off when LeSean was the first Bills player to exit the field and was recorded hurling his helmet in frustration upon reaching the locker room. Can’t wait to see how they pay all this off at WrestleMania.
Fan of the Week
Even though Brian Dawkins retired four years ago and hasn’t played for Philadelphia since 2008, the former safety’s jersey remains a fixture at Eagles games as the love for Weapon X will never die. Evidently, even in places as far afield as Seattle, it’s possible to see shirtless Iggles fans with full back tats of Dawkins’s jersey. That Dawkins could decapitate Sam Bradford this very day and only be more beloved by Eagles fans is a fundamental key to understanding them.
Five Winners Who Covered Their Bloodline in Glory
1. Khalil Mack, living up to all the hype with five sacks and a forced fumble in a surprise victory over division-leading Denver. Mack was the first first-round pick that Oakland really nailed since Nnamdi Asomugha more than a decade earlier and has become the cornerstone of a resurgent franchise that figures to make a play for the postseason in 2016.
2. Dee Ford, the second-year linebacker, is making the most of his first two career starts in relief of injured Justin Houston. He had three sacks against the Chargers and 12 quarterback pressures in two games, helping to extend Kansas City’s seven-game winning streak. It was Ford who knocked a would-be tying touchdown away from Danny Woodhead on the game’s final play.
3. Todd Gurley. Possibly the only reason for an objective fan to watch that Lions-Rams game was the play of this rookie standout, who finished with an astounding 140 yards and two touchdowns on just 16 carries.
4. Armonty Bryant had seven solo tackles and two sacks in the win over San Francisco. Cleveland’s defense sacked Blaine Gabbert eight times after only notching 17 sacks in their first 12 games of the season.
5. Brandon Marshall, whose 125 yards against the Titans marked his career-high eighth 100-yard game of the season, even if 69 (nice) of them came on a play where Tennessee forgot to cover him. Whether or not you agree with him, it’s worth checking out Marshall’s open letter to Dr. Bennet Omalu on why B-Marsh thinks kids shouldn’t be banned from playing football.
Five Losers Bathing in the Hard Water of Infinite Shame
1. Matt Cassel. As you can see above, he’s dedicating the rest of this lost Cowboys season to starring in the kind of Vines that self-deprecating people use to describe their everyday activities on social media, and that’s as noble a pursuit as any for a struggling quarterback.
2. Vernon Davis. His seven catches for 74 yards on Sunday marked his biggest contribution since joining the Broncos via trade earlier this season. Too bad he also had an inexcusable drop on a fourth down late in the game.
3. Robbie Gould, who missed a critical kick in the final minutes for the second week in a row. The miss from 50 yards yesterday wasn’t as egregious as the shanked potential game-winner from 36 yards the week before. Still, the third-highest-paid kicker in the league is piling up the miscues, and a sad Bears fan is crumpling up their sign of encouragement.
4. Matt Ryan, who shares in the blame for the Falcons collapse with offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan and the receivers who aren’t named Julio Jones. In the shutout loss in Carolina Sunday, Ryan’s 2015 turnovers surpassed his touchdown total, a distressing reality for a QB who is supposed to be among the league’s best.
5. The Colts defense, which got 51 dropped on them by the Jaguars. Blake Bortles is starting to come on as a promising quarterback and one day it may not be quite so humiliating for him to abuse a defense like that, but today ain’t that day.
As for Tonight…
Tom Coughlin leads New York into South Florida. The best snowbird joke wins a Werther’s Original and an email from your parents’ joint AOL account.
With multiple (!) NFC East teams winning (!!) on Sunday, there’s pressure on the Giants to keep pace, if winning that division is something to which a team might aspire and not just kind of reluctantly accept. I get the feeling that letting the game against the Patriots slip away deflated the Giants, who have lost both games they’ve played in the three weeks since.
With a game against undefeated Carolina looming in Week 15 and a road trip to Minnesota coming the week after, it’s only going to get tougher for New York after tonight.
As for the Dolphins, they’re a team with an interim coach that is virtually assured of not making the playoffs even if they win out, so really, who gives a shit? Late-season prime-time games are the best! That said, I’m sure Jon Gruden will have amusing things to say about Dan Campbell’s love of Metallica. “THAT LARS ULRICH, I CALL HIM UNFORGIVEN BECAUSE I’LL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW HE WAS A DICK ABOUT NAPSTER!”
