Actors Reveal the Horrors They Had to Go Through in Bollywood

Mumbai, home to one of the biggest film industries in the world, is often celebrated as a “city of dreams.” The prospect of having your face on the city’s massive billboards dotting its highways and finding fame and fortune in Bollywood draws millions of hopefuls to the city every year to try their luck. 

But in an industry where the success rate is less than 0.1 percent, things can often go terribly wrong. From working out of shoebox-sized rooms away from family, sleeping on pavements, standing for hours on end for auditions that rarely yield results, and having to face powerful sexual predators – horror stories from those struggling to make it big in Bollywood abound. 

A popular Bollywood actor’s death by suicide in June last year opened a can of worms. The old debate on outsiders being edged out by the forces of nepotism in Bollywood also gained traction because the deceased actor was an “outsider” himself. 

We spoke to Bollywood actors about the many things they saw, experienced and learned over the years as they struggled for a place in the industry. 

Shriyam Bhagnani

In the industry for the last five years, Shriyam Bhagnani has recently started a music label with her father and hopes to turn it into a production house soon. 

Newcomers are filled with fear. People are now scared of entering the industry because of the horror stories around it. In my opinion, it’s also about our good and bad days. A set is filled with hundreds of people and not all of them will have a good day. 

On one of these bad days, my shift on a movie began at 7 AM and it was raining outside. Things were moving slowly. I went to the director and asked him about the food situation but was instead abused on the mic in front of almost 300 people. I wanted to give up but I tried empathising. A few months later, my experience on a set was the most pleasant because there were women onboard — right from the set designer to the assistant director. When there are women around you, the warmth comes naturally. 

There is a lot of physical transformation that happens with the job but people don’t necessarily see the stories that don’t make it to the screen. There was this film I signed for, for which I had to lose 25 kilos. But within a few months, just after I had lost that weight, the film was shelved. Then I had to gain 20 kilos for another film but that, too, was shelved. That took a toll on my physical and mental health. My body almost felt like it was out of my control. I was disheartened for months. 

Akash Choudhary

Before joining the industry in 2016, Choudhary was a corporate communications manager. He has acted in ads, TV shows and films over the years. 

When I moved to Mumbai in 2017, I was already the winner of the Mr India pageant. I had smooth sailing in the fashion industry, but in Bollywood, the casting producers would always seek sexual favours. 

In 2019, I was cast for a TV show. The contract was signed and everything was ready but on the night before the shoot,  I got a call from the producer. I found it strange that he was calling me around midnight but he started telling me how he had made the careers of big actors. He told me point blank that he wanted to sleep with me if I planned to have a future in the industry. There was no subtlety there. I refused, only to find out the next morning that the shoot was cancelled. Within two days, they had signed another actor. I felt like they had snatched everything from me. He blocked all other offers coming to me, too. 

In another case, I shot for 16 hours every day, which is four hours of overtime every day. But they never paid me for the overtime. The production house simply said that it’s shutting down. We really can’t do anything in such cases. We have to suck it up and move on. 

Rejection is underrated particularly because there are hardcore auditions. Nothing is crystal clear. The casting people keep you hanging for weeks with no answer. In our profession, our body is our money. So when rejections take place, it takes a literal toll on our self-esteem. I would question myself – Am I not good enough? Do I not have a good face? Where do I lack? Will I ever be good enough for this world?

This August, I was on the verge of quitting. I had nearly stopped acting. I was at the end of my rope. It messed up my mental health. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone. I would work out twice a day for hours, hug my dog, and think about moving on. It takes a blow to the body. But I bounced back stronger, put myself out there and believed in myself again. I’m thankfully in a much better space now. 

Aashay Shastri 

Aashay Shastri has spent more than three years in the industry as a producer for ad films and is now pursuing acting full time. 

When I came to Mumbai, I got to know about Aram Nagar, which is a hub for casting. The struggle was figuring how to reach agents. I gave a random audition but they told me to pay for it. One of my friends actually paid that amount for himself but later, we discovered it was a scam. Such fake auditions are rampant in Mumbai and there is no way to verify them. 

Casting directors are still very dated in the way they approach roles. I’m on the “healthier” side, so I only get to play roles that have some goofy elements in them, where I’m only eating and there’s some comedy involved. 

I’ve faced issues with payments, too. After working for almost a week on what seemed like a good break, I was rudely fired for no reason and without any payment. Again, this is very common, too. I was depressed for a year. I stayed locked in my house and I’d just blame myself. 

Shenaz Treasury 

A model, travel vlogger and actor, Shenaz Treasury has acted as the lead in a host of films. Recently, she won an award for being an influencer creating positivity on the internet. 

There’s a reason I don’t wear make-up or care about how I look in my vlogs. I will now pose in a bikini even if my belly sticks out. It’s because, in my first movie, there was so much pressure on me to look a certain way. I was told I was too fat. I didn’t match the other girl in the movie, who they called too thin. She was made to pad herself up and I was put on diets and asked to shrink. We apparently didn’t look good on screen together.

There was so much body shaming that I developed an eating disorder. The film was a huge hit but it was a nightmare for me. Every day, I was told by my director how I didn’t look good from all angles. He told me my face looked fat when I was shot from a low angle. I was a young girl then. There was no such term as “body shaming” then and I was put on ridiculous diets. I was made to eat only pumpkin for a while. Then they put me on a protein diet which actually gave me protein positioning. I was also made to wear green contact lenses. I could barely see anything in the movie, and because my eyes just can’t handle lenses, I’d see double the entire time. 

When the movie came out, I wasn’t even asked to go to the screenings with the director and the other two actors. He was angry at me for my body, told me how he had a hard time in the edit and had to cut around my fat. I cried the whole time. The movie went on to be the biggest hit but I went into complete depression about my body, feeling insecure, hating my belly and my thighs. When I look at it now, I’m just what they now call curvy. But that was “fat” in those days! 

So now, I do the opposite. I don’t wear makeup, I don’t hide my belly, and I don’t care about my thunder thighs as they used to call them. I don’t want young girls to go through the kind of shame about their bodies that I did. And so, I am me, genuinely me in my vlogs and on my channels. Yes, of course, if the role demands it, I will wear makeup. But I am happy to be natural and myself in my vlogs. 

Mohit Hiranandani

In the industry for the last four years, Hiranandani has acted in TV shows, a popular reality show, and is also a digital content creator. 

During the peak of the lockdown, we would go to the pharmacy to pick up necessities. We’d see this man sitting outside because he had lost his house. That had affected him terribly. We found out from his yelling that he was to be part of a mythological show, which might have either not taken off or got canned midway. He would shout his lines on those empty streets. He wasn’t high or drunk. His friend, who would occasionally sit next to him, would just stare at him helplessly. 

Bollywood is tough. For an audition, I’ve once awaited my turn outside the audition room in the scorching heat for hours, only to see the casting agent open the door, not even look at my face, and say, “Not fit, thank you.” 

Then there’s this very famous TV coordinator (the middleman hired by casting directors to scout for talent) who had named me “firang” (foreigner) because of my skin colour. One day, we were in the lift together when he just came very close to me and said things like, “You have great eyes, I’ll make you a star.” I was intimidated, and so I froze. I just kept saying “yes, yes, yes.” I found out later that he just gets a kick out of intimidating men. 

Arushi Saxena

A model and actor, Arushi Saxena has been in the industry for the last five years. She has acted in a web series, music videos and multiple ads. 

I was into modelling just so that I could earn enough to pursue acting. During one of my initial auditions, I met this coordinator who promised the best opportunities. I was new and from a middle-class family, so everything in this city seemed like a dream. I didn’t want to believe he was fake. He first gained my trust by telling me how bad he felt when artists and beginners are exploited in the industry. This went on for weeks, and we met a couple of filmmakers together. 

But one night, things took a turn. He took me to the famous Haji Ali tomb in the middle of the sea. A saint there blessed me. Much to my shock, the coordinator told the saint to bless me such that I give him two kids. I didn’t know what to say. I was scared. He then kept saying how much he loved me. I clearly told him I didn’t feel that way about him. All of this happened in a public place. He pulled my hands, kept smoking and angrily blowing smoke on my face, and cried on the bike all the way home. 

When we reached my apartment, I switched on my survival mode. I knew that the only way to escape the situation was to tell him that I loved him back. I tried smiling and promised him that we’ll meet again. Thankfully, he left but kept calling me from different numbers. I had almost 200 missed calls on my phone when I woke up the next day. I didn’t give auditions for weeks. I hid my face with a scarf whenever I’d go out for groceries. I was very traumatised. I had dreams of him kidnapping me in a dark room, gagging me, and tying me up. 

If I see him again, I know I’ll freeze. Because of him, whenever I see a man who likes me, I fear that he’ll do something to me. I now have a fear of love.

Interviews have been edited for length and clarity. 

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, help is available. Call 1-800-273-8255 to speak with someone now or text START to 741741 to message with the Crisis Text Line

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