Edinburgh Zoo Welcomes Haggis, a Pygmy Hippo After Moo Deng’s Crown

Edinburgh Zoo recently welcomed Haggis, a pygmy hippo calf born on October 30 to parents Otto and Gloria. You know what that means: Moo Deng can fuck off. There’s a newer, younger, cuter, squishier, and wetter pygmy hippo in town.

The truth is we should actually be celebrating the birth of both Moo Deng and Haggis, as repulsive as that name is, since pygmy hippos are an endangered species. There are only around 2,500 pygmy hippos left in the wild. They face significant threats, including habitat loss and hunting for bushmeat.

We need as many of them as we can get. It also helps that they are adorable. The Internet likely wouldn’t care as much or at all if they look like a bucket of ass. Instead, they are adorable slippery little munchkins who look like they just need a big squeeze.

The virality of their cuteness all but ensures that we are going to keep pumping these things out until there are so many we’re going to need hunters to take care of them.

Jonny Appleyard, the zoo’s hoofstock team leader and owner of one of the most delightful names you’ll ever hear, says Haggis is doing well despite having a horrible name that conjures images of a Scottish delicacy that, if you don’t know, is when a sheep stomach is filled with its heart, liver, and lungs, along with salt, spices, veggies, and oatmeal. It’s all boiled together to form a brownish-gray blob that, honestly, kind of looks like a pygmy hippo so I take it all back, it’s a perfect name.

The Edinburgh Zoo has closed its pygmy hippo enclosure for the first 30 days after Haggis’s birth to ensure the calf’s health at this critical stage in its development.