Ah, England. Inventors of the beautiful game [eyes roll out of head]. A roster of players with a nose for goal [eyes continue rolling past Robert Green’s outstretched hands]. You know the names. Best. Beckham. Rooney. Kane. And, uh, a paper airplane? During an absolutely dreadful performance against freaking 55th-ranked Slovenia, a substitution from the stands ruined Slovenia’s clean sheet and the Wembley crowd lost its shit.
England did eke out a sloppy little (real) goal at the last second—four minutes into stoppage time—to send them to the World Cup, all thanks to “wonder” “boy” Harry Kane. So, now I guess they’re going to “win the World Cup for the next century” or whatever.
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But the real excitement was the only goal netted in regulation time: the little paper airplane that could.
Seems like Harry Kane wasn’t the only bleached-white, pointy-nosed, cardboard-like personality to score on the day.
