I Resent My Cat Because Her New Cat Tree Is Nicer Than All of My Furniture

If we’ve learned anything from modern culture (e.g. Oppenheimer, Barbie, and the air fryer), it’s that man’s need to dominate and control nature knows no bounds. Truly, we are at a critical point in human history, where we have forged the environment around us to reflect our deepest desires, our warped egos revealing themselves everywhere from The Sims 4 to Arby’s commercials and the Supreme Court. Indeed, this is late-stage capitalism; but it’s also brought us Sun Chips and Coke Zero, so one could argue that it’s all been worth it. In any case, the dialectic of modern life continues to unfold, leaving us to wonder what other magnificent phenomena we can look forward to (besides global warming and eventual societal collapse). Today, however, few have benefited more from the trajectory of human history and culture than our cats.

Think about it. Because of what man has achieved, cats no longer have to live in the wild, free to hunt and mate and claim territory as they please; no, like humans, today’s cats have access to air conditioning, canned food, shelter from the elements, and the music of Harry Styles. Still, we endeavor to assert even more control over our cats’ domestic lives and make it “fun” for ourselves, because why shouldn’t everything be about us? Enter: the Infinity Cat Tree, a modular cat kingdom that claims to be the first fully customizable tree for felines. Because, you know, the original trees were just not good enough.

That’s right, Dr. Dolittle: You can assert your inner creative genius on your cat’s tree now. With this new design from Petlibro (do your pets even li, bro?) you can create a “personalized playroom with infinite possibilities for all kinds of cats.” Have a wild little maniac with never-ending zoomies? You can make a parkour-style tree that would even tire out Jackie Chan. Parent to a team of chill, old cats who simply want to take a nap on the sweatshirt you were planning to wear tonight (but now you can’t because it’s covered in hair and you don’t remember where the lint roller is)? Create a sleepy paradise with a bunch of nap-friendly levels. It’s like feline Legos: You can ultimately build it however you want. Cats having a relaxing time is a nice goal, but the real universe brain shit here is knowing that your pet’s having a chill after on a modular tree that really reflects ~who you are inside~.

Petlibro has three versions: Loft, Castle, and Villa, and it also offers some combo platters, like Villa&Castle. Between all those options, you should be able to find something that’s equally entertaining and comfortable for your cats and expressive of your visionary soul. Jesus Christ, what’s next, a dog house that you can put graffiti on? Actually, that’s not a bad idea….

Anyway, treat your cat like you treat yourself this summer: Make sure to give ‘em plenty of water, lots of healthy food (aka energy for parkour), and maybe a robotic friend (no disrespect to your buddy Ethan, who can’t seem to hold a conversation to save his life).

Check out Petlibro’s Infinity Cat Tree on its website.

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