There are few realms on this good, green Earth where you can find erotic penis cages, garlic grinders, and a car decal that makes it look like a feral pig is busting out of your Hyundai in the same place. Surely, the cohabitation of such wonders must be the workings of myth (please see: the chimera that is this pair of meat socks) and, yet, this Camelot of freaky treasures does exist—nay, thrive—among us in the very real, very cursed digital bazaar of Wish.com.
For you online-shopping-agnostic Mennonites: Wish is like Amazon in that it’s filled to the brim with millions of items, ranging from the normal (curling irons) to stuff that people really have no business owning (fart spray). It’s like the love child of Pee-wee Herman, Jersey Shore, and the As Seen on TV store. Naturally, we’re obsessed with it.
Wish is our forever ride-or-die, but we smash that order button even faster during the holidays. This is the time of year when we’re tasked with finding stocking stuffers, secret Santa presents, and gifts for white elephant parties that will send everyone’s jaws to the floor, and we’re tired of seeing musty Lush bath bombs in the grab bag. It’s time to level TF up, mates. That’s where Wish comes in to save the day.
Admittedly, shopping on Wish can feel very daunting, which is why we’re here to guide you like CBD-loving Virgil through the tempting layers of the Wish Inferno. Are the best things to buy on Wish usually the worst? Yes, of course. But only in the sense that they are truly next-level; the Wish-savvy gifter knows that this vendor’s prezzies are designed to dazzle, enchant, and maybe—just maybe—make people fall in love.
Whether you’re peeping early Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals or just looking to treat yourself to a new phone holder composed of seven suction cup line-dancing cats, Wish is here for you.
Grab the Visine, and let’s wade through the VICE editors’ esteemed selection of the best gifts for the holidays from Wish.com.
Bring the disco to the restroom
You know what all cool and hot people love? Fun lighting, dancing, and a lavatory that feels like Studio54. That’s why we’re bum over noggin for this toilet bowl night light in the color Baja Blast.
An Illuminati-worthy alarm clock
Was this triangular alarm clock commissioned by Leonardo DiCaprio for the Illuminati? Maybe.
Bedeck their swamp
Who doesn’t love Shrek? Everyone’s favorite ogre has transcended cinema to join the ranks of the world’s most esteemed cultural icons. Last year, we copped this viral Shrek-inspired sex toy for our giftee, and this year we’re zhuzhing their living room with this decorative ogre-glitch accent pillow.
A gift for the globetrotter
Is your beloved always traveling on a plane, train, or renting a Hertz automobile? Then give them this Pamela Anderson-embellished backpack for posterity and safe travels. Plus, they’ll be able to spot sweet Pammy’s smile a mile away at baggage claim.
Something sparkly
If your significant other or BFF is expecting jewelry this holiday season, fret not: Grills are forever, and so much better than some self-described “snazzy heart” necklace.
Well done, you present sleuth.
Visit Wish.com for more holiday gifts.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.
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