Are You Getting Any? Falling in Love Is My Kink

Myles, 26

Quality of sex overall: 6/10
Frequency of sex with myself: 7/10
Intimacy levels: 8/10
How do you feel generally about the people you fuck: 9/10
How happy are you with the amount of time you have for sex: 7.5/10

VICE: Hi Myles. How would you describe your sex life?
Myles: It’s intense. There’s always intense infatuation and emotional intimacy. I think I’m an intimacy slut.

Where do you tend to meet the people you hook up with? 
Usually out at the club or through mutual friends. I went out to a house party, walked in and locked eyes with this girl. We were staring at each other all night across the party and sat down together, and we both thought something was going on, so I was like, ‘I really want to kiss you right now.’ It was a beautiful night. 

So you’re pulling without words?
No words. Crazy. It was amazing.

When was the last time you had sex? 
Last night. I went home with someone else. But that’s not normal for me, I don’t usually go home with people two nights in a row.

What do you mean it’s “not normal” for you? 
You know, if I was a teenager, I’d be like, ‘Yeah man, I’ve been sleeping with hella girls!’ But now, I’m more mature and I’m way better at communicating. I’m in this open mind state and it’s cool because when I’m hooking up with these people, it’s not even the sex that I like the most. I love getting to know someone intimately. I can do the intimacy thing and get really close to them, without being a fuckboy about it.

How would you define a fuckboy?
When you hook up with people and you just fuck them. It’s emotionless and people do that because they don’t want to fall in love. You sleep with someone and then you go cold on them. I’ve done that so much my life and it’s kind of fucked up because you just have this beautiful, intimate experience with someone. Why would you ever go cold on them? It’s nice being mature enough to be really intimate with someone and have a really magical night but then not expect more.

How do you tell people that you don’t want anything more?
I don’t ever say that I’m not looking for something serious because I don’t know what will happen, maybe I will. I just share my truth. For example, I openly told both of these girls that I’m currently infatuated with another person. Openly talking about your love life to them helps, and making that space where they can do so [too]. I don’t know though, I’m no expert.

What made you change your attitude? 
I just think I’m really fucking sensitive and I think that’s one reason that I’ve just grown into myself more. But the other reason, to be honest, is having relationships with women where they’ve taught me how to be a better person. All the good qualities that I have now, were taught to me by women in other relationships. Those early formative relationships have taught me consideration and communication and I’ve really tried to keep all those lessons.

Do your friends have a similar mindset?
In Melbourne, people – at least in my circle – are really open, sexually. I don’t know many people that aren’t in open relationships, everyone is more open. So people are less likely to be looking for a monogamous relationship anyway. It’s like a joke going around that everyone’s open.

The British Medical Journal research says that our generation is having less sex than generations before. What do you think about that?
I feel like people aren’t fucking as much as they should be. I’m a different case, because I’ve been obsessed with romance since I was a kid. I’m born on Valentine’s Day, man, it overruns my life. But anyway, it probably has a lot to do with loneliness. Everyone’s fucking lonely and I think people are often scared to connect, especially in Australian culture – like people are scared to connect and play the romantic game. Everyone’s really modest and it’s innate to be standoffish. I think for a lot of people, no one wants to cross those social boundaries, so people are quite isolated.

Do sex and romance go hand in hand for you? 
I think falling in love is my kink. You know, looking into each other’s eyes, connecting and feeling special. I think romance is just another game that you play, in a similar sense, you might pretend to be like a nurse or something cliche like that. When you have these romantic infatuations, you kind of play a role for each other. So yes, I would say romance and sex go hand in hand, completely.

I just think connection is the most beautiful thing and although I’ve been hurt so much, I’ll never stop leaving my heart open. People shut themselves off to it and by the time they’re 30, they’re just fucked and they’re like ‘I’m never letting anyone in again.’ We should always keep our hearts open because connection is so important.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

If you’re 18-30 years old and want to be featured in the Are You Getting Any? series, send an email to nana.baah@vice.com with the subject “Are You Getting Any?”.

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