“Why do your friends smile and snicker at you, Adrelene?” asks the creepy narrator in his bullying tone. Poor Adrelene conforms in every conceivable way — she wears new clothes, is not obese, and has a “sense of humor”. But, during a trip to the crazy mirror, Adrelene is called out on her bullshit by her wiser, weirder, tougher reflection. “Like a lot of boys and girls, your posture is your problem.”
Apparently in 1953, childhood slouching was considered a serious enough problem to warrant this 10-minute health video from the Centron Corporation. Some key points to remember:
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1. The first step in sitting up straight is admitting that you have a problem.
2. Don’t just start sitting up straight all of a sudden without taking the proper precautions: “You need a thorough check-up with the family doctor before you start corrective measures.”
3. Once you’ve determined that you’re physically fit enough to sit up straight, sit up straight. Ears over shoulders over hips over ankles- get a ruler.
4. Get off your lazy ass, mow the lawn, hang the laundry, get some exercise.
5. Wear big shoes that allow for “action room”.
6. Go to bed early, be a good kid.
While the tone of the video is condescending enough to make your skin crawl, the basic concerns haven’t changed much in the last 60 years. In the age of TV marathons, video game addiction and backpacks heavy enough to make a donkey commit suicide spinal problems are cropping up in alarmingly young children. And we’re talking disc degeneration problems, things that will stick around for the rest of their lives. An increasingly lazy lifestyle and lack of exercise are still major culprits in the on-going slouch epidemic, and a recent article from The Daily Mail reminds parents to enforce a daily exercise regimen by not driving their children to school… which seems like dangerous advice to give universally. But I digress.
Most people nurture their slouching habits well into adulthood causing chronic back pain and sometimes serious injury. Slouching actually prevents your organs from optimal function and inhibits healthy breathing. In a scolding tone reminiscent of the narrator from 1953, The New York Times points out that
“Maintaining good posture not only helps you look better (there’s a reason inept people are called slouches), it improves muscle tone, makes breathing easier and is one of the best ways to stave off back and neck pain, not to mention the dreaded dowager’s hump of old age.”
So, sit up straight. Got it?
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