A stranded polar bear contemplates the UK’s sovereignty in the EU as it snifffs around for a grizzley bear to have sex with (Picture by: Geoff Caddick / PA Archive)
A weekly column about how young people are fucked lol.
House prices could fall 18 percent if Britain quits the EU, according to George Osborne. On the face of it this sounds like the strongest pitch yet to forsake our European cousins and go for Brexit. That’s until you remember that Osborne is a man stridently campaigning to make sure Britain stays in the EU. Imagine the horror of waking up on the 24th of June and finding out that Britain was no longer in Europe and so house prices were vaguely more affordable. Horrifying.
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Another example of the crappy terms of the referendum debate came this week in the form of a crappy advert. There has been a lot of criticism for the #VOTIN advert for its cringey, patronising dropping of the letter G. What I found more annoying was its rose-tinted view of millennial life in Europe. It looks like an advert for a hated bank that’s struggling to push some financial products onto the youth market. “Life’s better in the EU,” they say. Maybe they could have also included the EU #TRANSPORTIN’ some refugees back to Turkey, or some young Greeks’ #DESPAIRIN’ at the terms offered for a troika economic bailout.
Don’t get me wrong, I reckon life without the EU could well be worse. I don’t see having more national sovereignty in the hands of Boris Johnson working out all that well. If nothing else I want the opportunity to at some point be #EMIGRATIN to a European capital that has a thicker residue of social democracy to make life more comfortable. But I don’t know which is the less bearable: little Englanders who want to take us back to Victorian times or smug Europhiles who are happy with things as they are.
Meanwhile, it’s bad news also for political adverts that do actually attempt to appeal to marginalised groups. I’m not them so I’ll leave my mate Yohann to explain this one to you:
And in the week where the bleakest study into climate change yet has been released, we’ve found out that global warming could lead to more “grolar bears” – a mix between a grizzly bear and a polar bear. A hunter shot and killed one of these rare beasts in Canada. As the Arctic warms, the two species are coming into contact more often and fucking each other, resulting in these mutant bears. I don’t know if animal bestiality is really a thing but it seems that even our furry friends are turning to depraved, nihilistic forms of sex in the knowledge that there really is no point because we are slowly cooking the planet.
Previously: This New Start Up Wants You to Bid On Your Own Rent
