Regardless of when you read this, every child you know is selling something for their schools, their sports teams, or their extracurricular organizations. A table in the office breakroom probably has at least three order forms on it right now, all for some variety of oversized, overpriced chocolate bars. When that neighbor whose name you can’t ever remember knocks on your door, it’s because his son is selling Boy Scout popcorn. And you can’t walk into a grocery store without passing a card table stacked high with cookies sold by an ever-changing assortment of Girl Scouts.
Unlike those waxen Little League chocolate bars, Girl Scout cookies are, like, actually good—and all of those troops selling cookies are part of the largest girl-led business in the world. But when every Kelsey, Kacie, and Kadyn is slinging the exact same boxes of Savannah Smiles, enterprising scouts have to get creative. Some of them have set up shop outside weed dispensaries, some have remixed Childish Gambino songs (and scored a 113 box order from Gambino himself), and, most recently, one Coloradan has figured out how to exploit our near-universal thirst for Aquaman.
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According to KUSA, Charlotte Holmberg knows that the only way to make a $4 box of cookies seem less like an impulse buy and more an URGENT NECESSITY is to paste a photo of Jason Momoa on the side of it. (We’ll admit that she was clever to put his unauthorized likeness on purple boxes of Samoas— get it?—although her punny thirst trap doesn’t work in the parts of the country where Scouts call the same cookies Caramel deLites).
The fifth grader and her mother apparently brainstormed this deviant plan together, printed off pictures of a shirtless, glistening Momoa, and put them on “dozens of boxes” of the cookies. They shared a photo of their handiwork on Facebook and—seemingly with the Girl Scouts of Colorado’s blessing—Holmberg started selling her doctored boxes. “The moms are getting really excited and they’re saying that they need them,” Holmberg said. (DON’T YOU DARE JUDGE US, WE ARE ADULT WOMEN WITH ADULT NEEDS).
This kind of underhanded behavior is probably why Holmberg is a Top Cookie CEO, earning special recognition as one of her troop’s top cookie pushers. MUNCHIES has reached out to Girl Scouts of the USA for comment; in the meantime, National Girl Scout Cookie Weekend starts this Friday. Be strong—and, uh, if you’re not gonna finish those Momoas, maybe you could send them to us?
