On Thursday, VICELAND aired another episode of PARTY LEGENDS—a show that collects celebrities’ unforgettable party stories and animates them. This week we heard some wild stories from Die Antwoord’s Ninja, comedian Artie Lange, and Clare O’Kane.
We’ve recapped our favorite parts of Artie’s story—about the time he ran off the set of a TV show dressed as a pig and ruined three hours-worth of cosmetic work for drugs—for your viewing pleasure in GIFs below.
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“Hey, I’m Artie Lange, and I’m gonna tell you some party stories.”
“I had a bad cocaine problem that I started here in New York when I was a struggling comic. I don’t know how I afforded it, but I did. I took it out to LA, because I went out there to work on a show called MADtv.”
“We did a sketch called ‘Babewatch,’ where I played Babe the Pig as a lifeguard. It was three hours of prosthetics. They put a big pig snout on me. They put six teats on me ’cause one of the jokes is I had a bikini top on each teat, you know?”
“I was real self-conscious about doing this sketch. I look in the mirror, and I’m eating my breakfast, and I’m like a pig. I’m a pig eating. I can’t deal with this. Psychologically, I was losing my mind. So I said, ‘I got to get high. The only way I could do this is to get high.’”
“So I called this Rastafarian guy who had really good coke and was reliable. When I had a chance, I ran to my car. The assistant director is like, ‘Where you going?’ I’m the lead of the sketch. I’m in every shot. I get in my car, and I just do like 90 MPH going out the driveway, and I go up the Pacific Coast Highway.”
“I get to the place, and the kid’s waiting for me. I get out of the car, and I looked like a pig. There’s no other way to describe it. I mean, that’s how good the makeup was. So the dealer looks at me and goes, ‘What kind of crazy shit are you into?!’ He thought I was, like, kidnapped by meth heads or something, and they were fucking me as a pig or something. ‘Nah,’ I said. ‘I’m on a sketch-comedy show. It’s for giggles.’ So he gives me an eight ball.”
“I go into this fucking bar dressed like a pig. And there’s people at the bar, so I go in the bathroom, and I put cocaine on a key, and I go to do the coke, but I have a pig snout, so I can’t get the coke through a pig snout, you know? So I’m like, Fuck, what do I do? I had to break the prosthetics, which took three fucking hours. So I break through the prosthetics with the key, I get the fucking key up my nose, and I do two hits.”
“Now I’m rolling. I’m fine. So I get in the car. Now I start flying back to the set. I stop at a red light by, like, Topanga Canyon, and I decided to do another hit. I put more on a key that I took off the chain. I look over, and there’s this hot chick in, like, a Lamborghini, and I realize she’s looking at a pig doing cocaine. There’s a pig in a fucking car doing cocaine, and she’s watching it.”
“I’m thinking, Look, it’s LA. Might have been the third time she saw that that day, you know? It’s Malibu.”
You can catch PARTY LEGENDS Thursdays at 10:00 PM on VICELAND. Find out how to watch here.
