“Thus all the work that King Solomon performed in the house of the Lord was finished / And Solomon brought in the things dedicated by his father David, the silver and the gold and the utensils, and he put them in the treasuries of the house of the Lord.” – 1 Kings 7:51
“Come thru fam it’s lit” – Jesus Christ, upon His Ascension to Heaven [citation needed]
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In the beginning of 2017, there was darkness. Then Kendrick Lamar came unto the world, saw that it was bad, and decided to drop some heat. This fireball was known as “HUMBLE.” and so glorious were its flames that it incinerated most of the Billboard Hot 100 as it arrived (Ed Sheeran is a non-flammable product, apparently) and has debuted at #2. It’s the highest chart debut for a rapper since Eminem’s milquetoast self-help anthem “Not Afraid” in 2010 (shouts to Boi-1da, though). Kendrick has saved rap. You know who else saved things?
Jesus.
Now, Kendrick’s a God-fearing man and we’re not going to make fun of that. Instead, inspired by his upcoming album DAMN. (the devout know that it’s really called DAMNED.) and its arrival on Good Friday time for Easter, we shall reflect on the many times that K. Dot has invoked the Lord’s name in his music. Find a church pew or a table and listen to the words of Pastor Kendrick, along with some accompanying imagery that is definitely holy and not-at-all blasphemous in any way.
“Schemin’, and let me tell you ’bout my life
Painkillers only put me in the twilight
Where pretty pussy and Benjamin is the highlight
Now tell my momma I love her, but this what I like, Lord knows” – “Alright”
“Cry out from heaven so loud it can water down a demon
With the holy ghost ’til it drown in the blood of Jesus” – “Sing About Me, I’m Dying of Thirst”
“I am a sinner who’s probably gonna sin again
Lord forgive me, Lord forgive me” – “Bitch, Don’t Kill My Vibe”
“Pull up on these 26’s, I’m a vanity slave
I’m a sinner, Jesus Christ, please forgive me for my ways” – “Michael Jordan”
“And I pray you n****as is hating, shooters go after Judas
Jesus Christ if I live life on my knees, ain’t no need to do this” – “Backseat Freestyle”
“I’m so hot, kids put me in their iPod
Even Atheists play my shit and say, “My God,-
Jesus, Joseph, and Mary, he’s nice.”
Don’t compare me to them, just compare me to Mike Jordan” – “West Coast Wu-Tang”
“Dear Lord come save me, the devil’s working hard
He probably clocking double shifts on all of his jobs” – “HiiiPower”
“I spread love like a Hippy, but I’m a Black one
With Jesus Christ passion, I swear on the bible” – “Wanna Be Heard”
“Lord have mercy, Jesus Christ
He’s just nice, he just slice like a ginnsu” – “Last Real N***a Alive”
“I did a lot of dumb shit in my past
Lord forgive me, hoping I don’t relapse” – “untitled 02 | 06.23.2014.”
“It’s the immaculate, verbal assassin, strangle your perfect etiquette to an accent
This is Jesus of Nazareth
Spittin’ gold policies to a world unknown” – “Kurupted”
“Is that a contradiction? He contradicting himself again?
Of course that’s a contradiction, the fuck you think life is?
We not like like Christ is
We all want ices and devices to make the bitches say I like this “- “A Little Appalled”
“Passion in your life, the passion of my Christ is in me
And if you say it ain’t, you may offend me” – “I Am (Interlude)”
Amen.
Phil Witmer wrote too much of this and he shall repent one day. Slander him on Twitter.
Jabbari Weekes conceived of this, not immaculately. Slander him on Twitter.
Photos courtesy of Devil Devin Pacholik.
