Hope For Humanity Restored in Quebec Horse Bar Brawl

If you haven’t watched what is currently the best video on the internet, please stop reading and take a gander.

Done? OK, come along with me as we unpack the greatness that is this horseback bar brawl.

The video starts on a nighttime shot of a horse walking away, wearing what appear to be white sports socks and looking WASTED. I mean, this horse is all over the lane. In the background, we hear music and people yelling. It’s a night out! People are drinking and probably having some fun, and that runaway horse was probably heading home from the bar.

Then, the camera pans to two men sitting together atop another horse, which suggests that going to the bar on horseback is a *thing* in this part of Quebec. One wonders about regulations surrounding this practice: can you drink and gallop? Is that saddle really big enough to accommodate two bros? Does that flashlight fastened to the horse’s head meet regulations?

“Go somewhere else,” a loud and whiny voice exclaims in French, trying to get the equine encroachers away from what is clearly not their pasture.

Suddenly, a magnificent man wearing enormous combat boots and a denim vest steps in, trying to calm the tensions. Meanwhile, the horse tries to talk but cannot speak as alas he is a horse. Taking advantage of this moment of vulnerability, a loud yeller delivers the ultimate series of burns. “Shut up, you look like a damn idiot on that horse,” he begins. “Do you want to go LINE DANCING?” he adds, threateningly. The horse looks distraught and stumbles onto the sidewalk. Clearly, it does not want to line dance.

This triggers a scuffle: a large balding man seems to attempt to slap the horse in the face but is blocked by the aforementioned denim vest dude, who is quickly establishing himself as the hero in this whole ordeal. The men push each other before an exasperated woman separates them and the yelling escalates to an unbridled ear-piercing octave: “YOU WANNA GO LINE DANCING WITH YOUR HORSE?”

Is this… a euphemism? A legitimate invitation presented in an clumsy manner? Is line dancing perhaps the punishment of choice for Victoriaville denizens who dare contravene the equestrian code of conduct? We may never know.

At this point, the horse appears to buck as this is clearly not a fun place to be and the horse did not choose this life. Then the line-dancing threatener yells something about filming the cowboys and them “looking stupid,” which, glass houses.

As the horse walks away, its main jockey points menacingly towards the crowd, a gesture that suggests that he’s probably not opposed to some do si do. Props to denim vest hero, who is still standing akimbo, looking very much like the superhero that he is.

“Go bring your horse to shit somewhere else,” the line dancer yells in a final affront, which seems like a very polite thing to ask, actually.

Then the music swells up, bittersweet, as the graceful trio trots off into the distance narrowly avoiding what could have been a horrible night mare. Cue end credits.

Thank you, horsie heros.

Follow Brigitte Noël on Twitter.