How to Do Sex Magic, According to Shamanic Sex Coaches

Shamanic sex coaches Rebekah Beneteau and Trevor Jones believe in sexual authenticity. They think everyone deserves more intimacy. And, in a world where hook-up culture is thriving and we’re doing everything from resorting to iPhone games to find love to hacking our brains to stop us from falling in love, they think we all need it now more than ever. According to them, we can better our terrestrial lives with a little otherworldly energy though one ancient practice: sex magic.

As the sex, intimacy, and kink coaches behind Pleasure Evolution, an organization dedicated to “transforming the world, one sex life at a time,” Rebekah Beneteau and Trevor Jones work with singles, couples, and large groups to help people acknowledge their “sexual authenticity” through practices of sex magic, intimacy workshops, and coaching. With Beneteau’s background as an energy healer and degree from the Barbara Brennan School of Healing, and Trevor’s background in philosophy, shamanism, and pagan and wiccan studies, the two are on a mission to change perceptions around sexuality and intimacy through both large classes and personalized coaching. According to them, once you discover your “sexual authenticity,” you can become more balanced and productive in all areas of your life; once your realize your capability for sex magic, you can better achieve your goals.

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“If you have a great sex life, you’ll be more powerful in every area of life,” Jones says.

To learn how to better our personal relationships—both romantic and platonic—Broadly spoke to the two about the concept of sexual authenticity, as well as how to use sex magic to do everything from heal a broken heart to summon your soulmate.

This interview has been edited and condensed.

Broadly: To start off, how did you two come to your practice?
Jones: I grew up surrounded by conservative and repressed standards of acceptance for all things sexual and different. It took years of personal work, therapy, and introspection to find self acceptance, confidence, and success in being me. A realization that self-worth and value was derived from within and was not dependent on external validation was the turning point in my own journey. I feel called to this work because sharing my experience and what I’ve learned can help people complete their own journeys and embrace themselves for who they are.

Beneteau: I came to this work because it was my own personal healing journey. I experienced the early introduction to sexuality by an adult when I was a child, which led to a lifetime of being disconnected from my body and my sexuality. I became empowered by reclaiming the joy of my sexuality and I wanted to give it to other people.

On your website you share your goals—one of the central ones being to help people “cultivate their unique sexual authenticity.” Could you tell me a little bit about sexual authenticity and how people can recognize and embrace theirs?
Jones: Sexual authenticity is a state of being—being you without social conditioning, without shame, without regret. [It’s] embracing your own desires and needs, and being true to yourself without compromise. If you want your relationships to survive, surround yourself with people who accept you as you are.

A lot of your practice is also about introducing elements of sex magic to relationships to deepen them. How did you start practicing? And do you remember your first time?
Jones: Sex magic is an invitation to get deliberate and mindful about your sexual arousal rather than rushing through the act for physical gratification. Every type of sex magic is dependent on desire and intention, [and] powered by belief and the energy of sex.

Growing up, in my dad’s library, there were a couple of books about occult practices, which led me to other research. When I had a pagan partner, I said I wanted to try it; so for me, it came when I finally had a partner who was accepting of an alternative sex practice. We inscribed polar ruins all over our bodies that we matched up during sex, and it created a constant circuit of energy, which allowed us to build this erotic charge. Think of a battery with positive and negative charges.

Beneteau: There’s so much more going on than what just happens in the physical realm. We’ve been practicing sex magic to fuel manifestation, to attract money, and to heal our partners, and that’s what we want to give people. My first conscious experience of using sex magic was fairly recent, maybe a couple of years ago, and it had to do with home and community because we were having housing issues. We had this big red cloth and we wrote down all of our visions of community and what it meant to us, and we had candles and feathers and shells. We let all of the ejaculate go into the cloth …. and that got buried in the earth. Within a year, we had found home.

Is there anything to keep in mind when setting intentions?
Jones: You can have different goals from your partner and send your goals in different ways. If your goals are opposing, though, you’ll create a chaotic mess. Also, there’s nothing wrong with doing sex magic with a partner [who isn’t] doing it; I can use magic with someone who’s just using sex for fun. But, if your partner is sensitive in the least, they may feel that you’re not fully present. So, communication is essential. If you’re going to practice it but the other partner isn’t participating, at least make them aware of it.

In sex magic, you’re building up a higher and higher energetic level, towards the universe.

And once the intention is set, how do you proceed?
Beneteau: First, create a sacred space, which is just for you to take your own mind out of the ordinary. The spirit world doesn’t need you to do anything. If you’re masturbating, you might make a small alter or light candles or put out items that are significant to what you’re intending to do. Let’s say your goal is to attract [an unknown] soulmate. You might want to set out fresh flowers, nice smelling candles, photos of happy couples, and something pink, which is the color of love. Avoid black. If you want a specific person you can put out photos of them. Create the space very intentionally so it’s not like your normal masturbation session where you just get off before you go to sleep.

How do we channel this energy during sex or masturbation?
Beneteau: In sex magic, you’re building up a higher and higher energetic level, towards the universe. Orgasm isn’t necessarily the goal. You want the sense of building the energy, so utilize the technique of edging, or coming close to orgasm but pulling back, to strengthen the energy. The point is to connect and regulate your erotic energy so it forwards your wish or goal. If you set your space, as you bring up the energy, you are deliberately breathing the energy up from your crotch into your heart and out toward what you want, especially when you release at orgasm.

So if you’re healing a broken heart, you can bring up your erotic energy to your heart. You can also put in or pull energy from a person in healing. Ultimately, you have to believe everything has worked, and be watchful for the signs. If you tried to attract your soulmate and then next week you get asked out on a date, say yes! You never know—they might be the person.

What would you say to people who may question the legitimacy of sex magic?
Beneteau: For people who say it isn’t real, I would say look at the placebo effect, which is well documented in medication studies. If you get the outcome you wanted, either it really works, or you now just believe it works—it’s the same. And if it doesn’t accomplish your goal right away, be patient. At the very least, you (hopefully) had a good orgasm.