In Jose Quintana Trade, Sports Reporting Pivots to Butt Stuff

On Thursday afternoon, the Chicago Cubs announced they had acquired starting pitcher Jose Quintana from the Chicago White Sox for four prospects. With digital outlets like Fox Sports ditching their entire writing/reporting apparatus in favor of videos of men talking loudly, it’s reasonable to worry that news like this—simple, meat-and-potatoes breaking news stuff—would become harder to find; sniffing out stuff like this is what all those boots on the street do best, after all. Thankfully, there is Reddit. If you were trawling the White Sox subreddit last night, you would have seen a couple guys, both of which apparently really like butts, breaking this story before any mainstream outlet had it.

Reddit user KatyPerrysBootyHole posted the deal, noting that Quintana—”Q”—was on his way across town.

Hey guys, take this with a grain of salt, but I heard from a friend who’s brothers friend works for the cubs (sounds like bullshit I know), that Q is going to the cubs in exchange for 4 players. Has anyone heard anything similar?

This was not exactly on point, so another user, Wetbutt23, authoritatively chimed in with some precision: “4 prospects. No pros. Players were meeting with doctors and will be official tonight or tomorrow.” KatyPerrysBootyHole then vouched for Wetbutt23:

Perhaps the best part of this story, however, was flagged by Deadspin. A report on CSNChicago marveled at how this blockbuster, crosstown trade seemed to evade everyone in baseball. Unfortunately, CSNChicago forgot about the bowels of the internet and had to issue a correction:

Correction: While no national media had this story, a Reddit user named “wetbutt23” had it last night. CSNChicago.com apologizes to wetbutt23 for the error.

Now, more than ever, the future of sports reporting is video, and butts.

Update: It will perhaps not surprise you to learn that the Butt Boys have been Milkshake Duck’d. KatyPerrysBootyHole is sexist, and Wetbutt23 is antisemitic.