Love is a wondrous thing. It causes us to move mountains, to shout from the highest rooftops, to put a momentary pause on our dick flipping wrestling careers to propose marriage, and then pin that love to the ground. Well the latter of those things was certainly the intent of infamous dick flip wrestler Joey Ryan’s, as he proposed to his girlfriend in the middle of a wrestling match against each other, and then proceeded to beat her by pinning her to the mat. How romantic. Sigh…
Joey Ryan—a wrestler of the highest dick flipping caliber—has coined the move of throwing his opponents for a loop with his muscly penis. The man once even executed the elusive quintuple dick flip. (Randy Macho Man Savage has attempted the move for decades, to no avail, and this is definitely by no way a lie.) But all of that—his dick, the flipping, the wrestling—was put on hold as he momentarily paused the match to go to his corner, pull out a ring and get down on one knee to propose to the love of his life, fellow wrestler Laura James.
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And what was her answer? Of course, a yes—it’s hard not to see Joey Ryan’s reproductive merits. Think of all the dick flipping babies they’ll have. Shortly after she agreed to a lifetime of wrestling matrimony, Joey Ryan decided to do the dastardly and pin her to the ground—probably to break all of the sexual tension. Here was the exchange that followed.
Joey Ryan: “Listen, first and foremost, I’m a professional, so I need that winner’s share of the match purse.”
Laura James: “I guess you spent it on the ring, so, yeah, alright, fair enough.”
Joey Ryan: “But yeah, let’s get married.”
Laura James: “OK!”
It was so beautiful—as if, for just a brief moment, the world stopped turning. And it probably did. Because Joey Ryan’s dick is what makes it go ’round.
